According to Daniel Levinson, who wrote Seasons of a Man’s Life, after the midlife transition comes the transition to late adulthood, which starts at about age 60. That is where I am now and that is one reason this will be the last of these midlife columns.
In traditional hunter-gatherer societies, when men and women reach age 50 or so, they are ready to begin the transition to elderhood. If they do not make this transition, they simply become elderly. The elder is seen as a valuable resource, a person others can come to for a listening ear, a compassionate heart and a voice with wisdom. The merely elderly are seen as irrelevant.
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In traditional societies, there are rituals and mentors to help people move to elderhood. We have not had that in our society for many years, although there is a movement toward it now with The ManKind Project (www.mkp.org), which has a training program for men to become ritual elders, and help at other MKP training events.
People who would become elders consciously decide to harvest their long life by giving back to others, and acting as a partner with the Earth. Like most of life’s stages, elderhood is a process rather than a destination, and it begins when a person realizes he or she is ready to accept they have wisdom to share.
The elder also connects with something higher. Throughout history, human beings have believed there is a centre beyond the ego that they need to hook up with in order to deal with the forces of despair, depression, hopelessness, boredom, weakness and uncertainty in life. It cannot be done at the ego level.
The elder also avoids what Robert Moore, author of King, Warrior, Magician, Lover calls the stench of certainty. When a person is unsure about something (religion, psychological theory, how to run the country), to fend off the despair of uncertainty or defiance, they retreat into the confines of certainty.
For example, they retreat from religious faith to religious certainty.
The elder is willing to live with the tension of uncertainty and seeks, through prayer, meditation and reading sacred literature and mythology, to gain experience even more than faith, that will guide them. Here is what I mean. Years ago, I tried fire walking. I met with a group on an acreage near Edmonton, where a man guided us through the process of preparing our minds so we could walk bare-footed through a 12-foot-long six-inch-thick bed of glowing hot birch coals.
At the beginning of the evening, I mentioned to our guide that it must take great faith to walk on coals. He said I didn’t need faith but experience. I didn’t understand what he meant until after I had walked through the coals twice without a hint of any blistering or scorching on my bare feet and realized that with preparation and experience, it is no longer mystical.
The same applies to all aspects of the human journey. As one faces fear and uncertainty and reaps the lessons of the experience, he or she becomes more valuable as a teacher or mentor to others. But this is also where the stench of certainty can be dangerous. Having lived through a difficult time, if one does not analyze it properly, one can gain the wrong understanding, and become rigid about how certain problems must be solved.
There is an old story about a woman who falls down a well. She struggles and struggles, but cannot get out. Finally in despair, she surrenders her life to God, and then miraculously finds a way out. Filled with joy, she runs to her neighbour, brings her to the well and pushes her in. She is certain that the way to God is through falling down a well, rather than simply surrendering one’s life to Him, wherever they are.
We are healthier and are living longer than any civilization before us. Some call it a 30 year bonus. The question is, what will you do with your bonus? One does not become an elder simply by growing older.
One must pay attention to his life, make the inner journey, reap the lessons of long experience, and humbly offer what gifts he has to the world. One is an elder when others call him that. He does not claim eldership himself. Elders are necessary in the community. I believe there is a desperate need in our society for the courage, wisdom, honesty and humility of elders.
As I mentioned at the beginning, this is my last column. I have decided it is time to pay attention to the call to eldership I am feeling. My first action in that regard will be to help lead an elderhood workshop in August whose details can be seen at my website listed below.
If you are middle aged, you already know that time is passing more quickly every year. Soon you will be through middle age. Will your next transition be to elderhood, or simply to become elderly?
Edmonton-based Noel McNaughton is a sponsored speaker with the Canadian Farm Business Management Council. He can be reached at 780-432-5492, e-mail:farm@midlife-men.com or visit www.midlife-men.com.
