Q: My married son keeps making mistakes in life, but does not seem to learn from them. Whenever we try to offer help or guidance he rejects it, saying he is a man and has to make his own decisions. What can we do to help him?
A: Agree with him. He is an adult male. Only he can make decisions for himself.
He may want to look ahead at how those decisions affect his own family. It helps to keep a record of decisions you make in life, and how they worked out.
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Otherwise you forget little lessons you may have learned and keep making old mistakes.
The following is called A Life Story in Five Short Chapters. It is on the 1996 album This Life by singer and songwriter Portia Nelson.
It may help him to take a look at himself and start to keep track of his route in life.
I walk down the street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I fall in. I am lost. I feel hopeless. It isn’t my fault. It takes forever to find a way out.
I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I pretend I don’t see it. I fall in again. I can’t believe I’m in the same place. But it isn’t my fault. It still takes a long time to get out.
I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I see it is there. I still fall into it. I am still reacting by habit. My eyes are open. I know where I am. It is my fault. I get out immediately.
I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I walk around it. I walk down another street.
Peter Griffiths is a mental health counsellor based in Prince Albert, Sask. His columns are intended as general advice only. His website is www.sasktelwebsite.net/petecope.
