Q: Some men may not like what you write. But if a man’s ego is bruised, then maybe he should take your advice and change.
I’d have done just about anything for my husband. He could have had all the sex he ever wanted. All I asked of him was to love me, and just me. I also wanted him to make me feel that I was important, and that I mattered. I wanted him to put his arms around me and tell me he loved me, on an impulse, not just at bedtime before sex. And to be honest, a lot of times he didn’t even tell me then.
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Truth is important. I know he flirts a lot. When I ask him about it, he gets mad. He says I’m seeing things and that I’m crazy. He never admits to anything. All I get is lots of lies, not even “I’m sorry, I’ll never do that again.”
For a marriage to work, a wife needs to know she can count on her husband. Yet, because of his constant flirting and making eyes at any young woman, I honestly don’t know if I can trust him.
I can’t forgive or forget his flirting. I tell him how I’ve seen him look at women, but he says he didn’t do it. But I was standing right there and watched until I just about got sick to my stomach.
This hasn’t been resolved for almost 10 years. It’s been a very long stretch of hell and I’m sick and tired of it.
Sex life gone bad
Our sex life has gone bad. His communication is equally bad. I want to discuss our problems. But he just sits and looks at me and sighs.
Sex is just for his gratification; he doesn’t seem to care if I’ve been satisfied or not. Is that the way all men are about sex?
I know he’ll never go to counselling. His reply would be “there’s nothing wrong with me.” I even suggested a divorce. But he said no. I believe he just doesn’t want to give me half of our family business.
A:Many men have a hard
time admitting they might be wrong in any situation. It’s as if they fear that admitting they made a mistake would label them a mistake.
But in marriage, honesty is still the best policy, especially with mistakes. Lies and deception can break up relationships quickly.
If your husband continues to ignore you emotionally and not tell the truth, you may indeed choose to leave in the future.
Being preoccupied with his flirting behavior doesn’t help you at all. You may feel bad every time you catch him flirting with someone.
You may blame yourself for the fact he’s being flirtatious. But that’s not reasonable or logical. If you do that, you’re letting his behavior affect your thoughts and feelings. In other words, it’s like you’re choosing to punish yourself.
Get counselling
Take care of yourself, rather than get upset about what he is doing. You can’t control him. You can only be in charge of yourself.
Also, check out counselling services in your community. In my opinion, you don’t need marriage counselling, because right now there’s not much marriage left to counsel.
You need counselling for yourself. Build yourself up emotionally. Detach yourself from being upset by his behavior.
Also get some good legal advice about the processes you’d need to protect your half of the matrimonial property if you do choose to leave in the future.
