Q: My husband always gives me a fancy card, flowers and chocolates on Valentine’s Day. I appreciate them, but would like it much more if he would schedule more time for us to have as a couple. I realize that his work off the farm and his help in our shrinking rural community are important. But I sometimes feel left out. It is so easy for us to be so busy with our individual lives that we don’t have time for each other.
A: The holiday is named after Saint Valentine who was jailed and executed because he challenged the emperor’s orders that men not be allowed to marry, since they would not make good soldiers if they worried more about their families than fighting. The story also says that while in jail, St. Valentine sent brief notes to people in his parish, usually ending with “from your Valentine.”
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The day is a time to honour, express and give symbols of love.
Many gifts do not last long. Cards eventually are filed away or lost. Flowers wither and chocolates are eaten.
Time and attention are important gifts of affection. Both become more important and valuable as they are scarce. They are also a gift that can be given again and again.
Loving suggestions
Here are some creative and caring ways of giving Valentines gifts, especially when money is tight. These can be given to a partner to emphasize the fact the person is loved and valued.
- Get up in the morning and bring a cup of fresh coffee or tea to your partner in bed.
- Give your partner some certificates that they can redeem in the future. They might be for spending time with your partner at an activity that he or she enjoys. If your partner enjoys playing Scrabble, a dozen game vouchers could be given. Most couples have a fair and equitable way of dividing household chores between them. Give your partner a number of certificates offering to do something that the partner usually does, and let her decide when touse them.
- Attention certificates involve putting aside what you are doing and focusing on, listening to and giving your undivided attention to your partner.
I have been thinking about how I might put this into practice myself.
I can easily get involved with my computer, working on columns, dealing with e-mail from readers, or just surfing the web. I may give my partner a number of vouchers, which she can redeem whenever she would like to spend time with me.
- Patience is another Valentine gift we can give our partner. I may give my partner a gift by being patient and not interrupting her when she is watching one of her favourite television shows. Unless it is urgent, most comments and messages can wait for the end of the show or a commercial break. I also can give her the gift of not “having” to finish up what I am doing when she asks for my attention.
Valentine’s Day celebrates the giving of love in an unselfish and caring manner. When two people both practise doing this, not just on Valentine’s Day, but every day of their relationship, marriages grow and blossom. Those blossoms last longer than any from a florist shop.
Peter Griffiths is a mental health counsellor based in Prince Albert, Sask. His columns are intended as general advice only. His website is www3.sk.sympatico.ca/petecope.
