Q: We are having a nightly problem getting our seven-year-old son to sleep at a reasonable hour. He is scheduled to go to bed at 8:30 p.m. but he seldom if ever makes it.
We have tried everything. His father and I have been strict, insisting that he be in bed and stay there. That did not work. Then we tried the soft approach, lying with him in bed, letting him get up whenever to sleep with someone else in someone else’s bed. That did not work. We are out of options. What do you suggest?
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A: Your first task is to head over to your family doctor for a consultation. Sleep apnea can be a real problem for children.
If that is the problem, you will need help from your physician.
If your son is not struggling with sleep apnea, you need to look at the rules in your home. The problem that most parents have when dealing with sleep irregularities with their children is that they are either too strict or too gentle.
Parents who are too strict leave children with too much anxiety for them to settle into a decent night’s rest. Even if the children co-operate, they will not likely be rested when they are roused in the morning.
Parents who are too gentle rob their children of the rest they require. When the choice is going to bed or sitting up to watch TV, the child is going to opt for the better options.
At age seven, he may be becoming aware that the world is not always a safe place. Death and dying are neither predictable nor understandable and this may be taking hold of his late night thoughts. Darkness seems to bring out the worst fears, so he may need reassurances at night.
You and your husband need to commit to a solid but reasonable structure around bedtime. That means turning off the TV before 8 p.m., making time for showers and snacks and having a few moments when you and your son can talk and reinforce your connections with each other. Then it is lights out.
Promise that you are going to check in on him every 15 minutes. During check-ins, simply open his door, let him know that you are watching out for him and say good night again.
If you stick with your program, you should be able to solve your son’s sleep problems. If not, you might want to consult a child psychologist to have your son assessed.
