Partridges, hens, geese, swans, maids, ladies, lords, pipers and drummers? There are 73 mouths to feed in The 12 Days of Christmas, counting people and a whole lot of poultry, and who has time for that in the busy holiday season?
There are other things on our minds in the last 15 shopping days before Christmas, so allow us to present instead 12 Questions Concerning the Modern Christmas:
1. When did the Christmas season start being officially launched right after Halloween?
2. Why, in the season of peace and joy, do so many children want gifts of video games featuring death and destruction?
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3. Why do so many women feel compelled to buy a new Christmas outfit when no one else in town remembers what they wore to the party last year?
4. When did buying gifts for pets become accepted and commercially encouraged behaviour?
5. Why do Christmas oranges come in soggy bottomed cardboard boxes instead of wooden crates with that exotic smell, as though just off the boat from Japan?
6. Why do so many teachers inflict repeated renditions of Little Drummer Boy on the ears of well-meaning parents who attend the Christmas concert?
7. Why does the packaging of almost any gift prove more durable than the contents?
8. Along that same line, why does one need the dexterity of a brain surgeon and the patience of an AI technician to open the cellophane on a compact disc?
9. When did it become necessary to affix warnings, Caution: May Contain Peanuts, to the goodies in the Christmas cookie exchange?
10. Why does everyone have an uncle or aunt who eats all the olives during Christmas dinner?
11. Why hasn’t the vast array of Christmas choices made it any easier to find the perfect gift for everyone on your list?
12. Why does it seem so important to some people to remove the religious significance from Christmas?
Simple commercialism is the answer to most of these questions, and it can be an effort to keep the season in perspective even though we know it’s about more than gifts and poultry.
Coincidentally, however, poultry is prominent in a seasonal brochure from World Vision Canada, and it brings a message about Christmas and giving. The charity says that a $50 donation can buy two hens and a rooster for a poor family in Africa, Asia or the Middle East that will supply eggs and meat for at least a year.
That sounds far more useful than a partridge in a pear tree.
