Happy Canada Day to you, and happy 143rd birthday to the best country in the world – a country with six time zones, dozens of climates, hundreds of politicians, thousands of farmers, and all of them afflicted by mosquitoes.It is a day to celebrate all things Canadian, which is why it is also the deadline for a contest sponsored by the publishers of the Collins Canadian Dictionary. The challenge was to write a short story that included at least 10 uniquely Canadian words provided by Harper Collins.We are up to the challenge. Stories don’t get much shorter than this, yet we are determined to use more than 10 of the designated words.Here goes:Clad in a toque and mitts with idiot strings, farmer Marshall McLuhan was on his way to a musical ride. He’d spent the night on a Winnipeg couch, stormstayed at the home of Roberta Bondar by a silver thaw and an unfortunate bout of beaver fever.He wasn’t feeling well, but he had to depend on the kindness of muckymucks like Bondar now because he was on pogey and unable to drive since his last impaired. McLuhan swore he would never drink a twenty-sixer at one sitting ever again. Chasing that with six Bloody Caesars and a bottle of expensive ice wine had proven to be sheer folly.It didn’t help that Bondar had kept him up all night by plying him with butter tarts and poutine. But who can resist such Canadian delicacies? They are only surpassed, in McLuhan’s view, by flipper pie. After all the food and drink, he’d nearly required a travois to make it to his couch the previous night.Then Bondar had started playing her collection of Leonard Cohen CDs. In his inebriated state, the bed felt like a bathtub race. So did his stomach, and at one point he’d had to make a mad dash for the garburator.On this oddly chilly Canada Day, McLuhan felt the fresh breeze off the saltchuck penetrate his kamiks, and his feet got cold. Ignoring the sight of the Bluenose bobbing gently in the harbour, he decided to deke over to a chip wagon for a snack.But now McLuhan’s story, and our allotted space, has run out, with 28 Canadian words used. It’s been fun, but not as much fun as Canada Day celebrations. Hope you enjoy them.
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