Q: I am sure my husband has some kind of mental health disorder. Sometimes, he is hyper vigilant, up early in the morning and flying around all day. Other times, he is the epitome of lethargy. He wouldn’t get up if honeybees were nesting in the bedpost.
The problem is that my husband will do nothing about his emotional challenges.
We live in a small village on the Prairies. This is where the stigma of mental health is perhaps its worst. If my husband was to go to a psychiatrist for help, not only would our neighbours know about it, chances are good that they would let the stigma of mental health throw up barriers between my husband and their families, isolating him from his friends and neighbours.
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No wonder my husband does not want to see a psychiatrist.
But left on his own, my husband is stuck in his emotional quagmire.
Life could be more enjoyable for him if he would snub our neighbours and get the help he deserves. How can I convince him of this?
A: You and your husband have my sympathy and support. Our estimates are that up to 40 percent of people struggling with anxiety or depression fall victim to the curse of mental health stigmas and deny themselves the help they need to get their lives back on track. I think that is deplorable.
Mental health stigmas are built on fears. People are afraid that those struggling with mental health issues will hurt themselves or their friends and neighbours.
I suppose some do, but not many. In studies in the United States, only three percent of violence in the community can be attributed to mental health issues. That figure increases by seven percent when alcohol and drugs are involved.
That means you are more at risk from your neighbours than your neighbours are from your husband. The mental health stigma is irrational.
Nonetheless, the stigma is real and you and your husband are going to deal with it if you are to get him medical intervention.
Here are some hints.
First, your husband needs to get himself into treatment regardless of the stigma. Right now, he is being unfair to both his own well-being and your relationship with him. Make an appointment with your family doctor and get her to make a referral to her psychiatric consult.
Second, don’t let your husband isolate himself. Coffee row will be as important for your husband after he has seen a psychiatrist as it was before and the more he drops in for the occasional cup of coffee, the less he will be victimized by mental health stigmas clouding the vision of his friends and neighbours.
Third, your husband needs to remember that he is a person first, and someone with an affliction second. People with cancer do not run around saying, “Hi. I am cancer”. Neither should your husband say that he has a mental health disturbance. He is and always will be that same wonderful guy you married, and don’t let him forget it.
Fourth, if possible, get your husband into a support group. That may be more possible if you are in or close to a larger community. Check it out, and if there is a program for your husband and those who also struggle a bit with their emotional well-beings, get him to drop in and commiserate with others who are in similar circumstances. It can validate his thoughts or feelings.
Fifth, this might be more difficult for your husband, but if he can find the inner strength to speak out against the mental health stigma, that would be great. It might open doors for others who, like your husband, have been humbled by their mental health challenges.
Finally, no matter how bad or challenging it gets, remember that the sun will rise tomorrow and we can try whatever challenges us one more time.
Jacklin Andrews is a family counsellor from Saskatchewan. Contact: jandrews@producer.com.
