Q: We are trying to help our granddaughter quit smoking, and even offered her $5,000 if she could go for six months without smoking. It did not work.
What else can we do?
A: Addictions counsellors with whom I have met tell me that of all the addictions there are, including heroin, cocaine, fentanyl, beer, wine and hard liquor, nicotine is the most difficult one to beat.
That does not mean that it is impossible, but you need to understand how difficult a challenge it is for your granddaughter to quit. Nothing is personal about it. She is no longer smoking with some kind of defiance to mark her claim to personhood. She is smoking because she is addicted.
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If you want to help, you need to begin by understanding who has the problem. Is it hers or yours?
When you try to bribe her to quit or somehow force her to quit, you are turning her problem into your problem and that rarely works. People successfully quit smoking when they recognize it as their problem and pick up their own gauntlet to carry them to successful nicotine withdrawal.
Smoking is your granddaughter’s problem, not yours, and she will ultimately withdraw when it is time for her to do so.
Of course, you can still help her. You start by making sure that when she is around you she is in a smoke-free environment. No more slipping out to the garage for a smoke while Grandma is doing the supper dishes. When she visits you, there is to be no smoking. That holds for both her and anyone else who might want to pop over for a coffee break. Smoke-free environments are tremendously helpful for people who are struggling with nicotine cessation.
To the extent possible, help your granddaughter build an otherwise healthy lifestyle. Make that $5,000 you set aside for her work for her. Buy her a gym membership, sponsor self-improvement classes and just treat her every now and then because she is a wonderful person.
If that is spoiling her, then let it be so because spoiling could lead to an improved self-esteem model for her, and it is self-esteem that suffers the most with the ups and downs that haunt so many people trying to quit.
Finally, let’s not forget how important it is for you to encourage her. Talk about smoking with her.
Go over the different programs available to help people like her deposit their addictions into the wastebaskets. There are so many programs, including cold turkey, just stopping. There are also slow withdrawals, one cigarette at a time, nicotine replacement, chewing gum or puffing on nicotine sticks, special yoga classes or medical intervention.
Her doctor might have something she can prescribe to knock off the horrible craving that goes with nicotine cessation. No program is better than the others. It is a matter of which one might work for your granddaughter.
Just remember, it is for her to decide and for her to commit. It is for you to hug her lots regardless of what happens.
Jacklin Andrews is a family counsellor from Saskatchewan. Contact: jandrews@producer.com.
