Q: My husband likes to have order and routine in his life. The more structure there is, the happier he is. I, on the other hand, prefer a little chaos every now and then.
We have managed to make it work, but it’s causing problems with the grandchildren.
I try to give Mom and Dad a free moment every now and then, and sometimes that isn’t predictable. That’s when Grandpa gets edgy, which is leading to some dissension between the two of us.
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I’m afraid that it we don’t resolve this, the grandchildren will notice the tension and not want to come over.
A: Your husband’s preoccupation with structure, order and routine has served him well for much of his life. Parenting requires structure, routine and order as the kids are growing up to counterbalance what is otherwise chaotic times around house.
Many people like to have structures and routines in their personal and private lives, dictating for them when it is time to work and when they can have a moment of play. But obsessions with structure, order and routines lose their flavour when it comes to grandparenting.
Let’s not forget that the whole purpose of grandparenting is to love and adore grandchildren, giving the grandchildren all the support they can garner.
Most kids don’t need more rules and regulations. What they need is to be accepted for being the wonderful people that they are.
I think it is called unconditional love. And that is where Grandma and Grandpa come into the picture.
You don’t have to get them to bed on time. You don’t have to make sure that they get something nutritious to eat every now and then. And you don’t have to worry if they get those clean clothes a smudge dirty playing hide and seek in that old barn in the back yard.
You just have to love them, and the more you love them the better are the chances all of you will enjoy each other. I am reminded very much of what I heard one grandmother say to her friends: “I told my grandchildren that if they do not eat their chocolate cake and ice cream, I would not serve them any meat, potatoes and vegetables for supper.”
Jacklin Andrews is a family counsellor from Saskatchewan. Contact: jandrews@producer.com.
