Q: My wife and I are getting divorced and it has become complicated. We are considering mediation, but one of my neighbours thought he got taken to the cleaners when using the process.
A: I do not know what experiences your neighbour had with mediation but his comments do not reflect the general tone of those who have worked through mediation to complete their divorces.
Eighty-four percent of couples who went to mediation reached agreements to dissolve their marriages. Eighty-one percent were satisfied that the agreements they reached through mediation were fair to all of them. Ninety-seven percent of those who went to mediation thought that the process was remarkably easy and 90 percent were happy the process took into account the well-being of their children.
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You said in your note that your divorce is leaning toward complications. Apparently, if you to go mediation, it may be easier than you expect.
If your mediation is handled properly, your mediators will spend time with each of you before coming together for face-to-face negotiations.
Somewhere along the way, all three of you — your wife, yourself and your mediator — should reach an agreement that is acceptable to all of you.
But it does not stop there. Each of you, you and your wife, take the agreement to review with your private lawyers, just to make sure that all of you are treated fairly in the process.
That is your protection, and it should ensure that your final agreements are fair for all of you and it should protect you from getting “taken to the cleaners” as your neighbour claims he was.
What you and your wife need to understand is that mediation is not built on winners and losers. The idea is to remove your divorce from being a competitive game and in doing so, reduce the bitterness that can occur.
It is important that you be as open and honest to the mediators as you can be. The more you and your wife respect the truth, the more likely it is that you will resolve your divorce fairly and free both of you to rebuild your new lives.
Jacklin Andrews is a family counsellor from Saskatchewan. Contact: jandrews@producer.com.
