Q: I am not sure where all of my energy went these past few years but I would like to recapture it.
Where do I find this well of energy to help me sustain the effort to finish the things I have started?
A: I think what you are talking about is something called stamina.
Stamina is a person’s ability to sustain physical and mental activity over a longer period of time.
Actually, there are two types of stamina. There is mental stamina. People with low mental stamina find it difficult to focus on tasks for long periods of time. They are easily distracted.
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The second is physical stamina. People with low physical stamina easily tire. They don’t walk to the end of the block, climb stairs or play with their grandchildren.
To start a program to counterbalance your lack of stamina, you need to figure out which is your problem. Are you struggling with low mental stamina or are you burdened with low physical stamina?
Make an appointment with your family doctor to see if the two of you can figure this out. The doctor will have a number of supports she can solicit to give you a hand. It starts with a complete physical just to make sure that you are as healthy as you think you are.
If you aren’t, your doctor can help you figure out a better diet for you to follow, she can recommend a more supportive exercise routine and she might even have some medication to help.
If your lack of stamina is mental, it is a little trickier to work things out. The puzzle is that you were much more effective when you were absorbed in the lives of your children. Raising kids is hard work. But it is also rich and rewarding and, if nothing else, keeps you on your toes, wondering when the next adolescent crisis will emerge or hoping that the kids will be there for their Saturday morning chores.
My guess is that you were a super parent and that for all of its tensions you found life with your children rewarding. When they left home, they took those rewards with them.
It is time to do a personal inventory, to figure out what it is that you really like to do. The more precise you can be with your want-to-do list, the more likely it is that you will start to rediscover your stamina.
But it takes discipline. You need to get rid of that bad habit of always looking out for other people. You will always be a sensitive and caring person. That is not a problem. What is a problem is the general reluctance you have to care as much for yourself as you do for other people.
Once you have a few moments of me-time every day, you will find the energy to finish those tasks.
Of course, you will always have those chores that you have to do. They become less burdensome if you change them into art projects. What could be more rewarding than tidying your kitchen each and every night? What could be more engaging than showing up for work five minutes early? Or developing a system to ensure that your bills are paid and all of those little annoying problems around the house have been repaired?
The trick with stamina or personal energy is rewards. The clearer it is what you want to do, the more precise the task and the greater the chances for personal rewards. The greater the chances for personal rewards, the more you will find the stamina.
Jacklin Andrews is a family counsellor from Saskatchewan. Contact: jandrews@producer.com.
