Q: My mother is going to move into the upper level of our four-level split house, and we would like to help her meet some people and get more involved in our community. How do we do that?
A: You cannot tell your mom what to do or dictate what is right or wrong for her. She is a mature lady who raised you and your brothers and sisters and likely knows a few things about the art of living and loving that she could teach you.
Her problem is not that she doesn’t know the do’s and don’ts of successful living. Her problem is that she is in a new community and could likely use a little help feeling her way around the town. That is where you and your husband might be able to help her.
What would happen if you, your husband and your mom sat down weekly and went over with her how things are going in her new home? You can look at her activity level.
In fact, there are four kinds of activities.
There are those activities she can quietly do alone, such as reading, writing, knitting, hobbies and so on. Sometimes having a peaceful moment is a treat.
Then there are those activities that she is likely to do alone but which require a bit of energy: the morning walks, gardening, riding a bike, maybe even cross country skiing in the winter.
The third set of activities are those that do not require a lot of energy but include a number of other people. No one ever worked too hard on coffee row but they still enjoy each other’s company. So too, she can take in various concerts that tour smaller towns, sit in church on Sunday morning and watch while your children are up on stage in the school auditorium.
The final activities are those that take a lot of energy and include a number of people — things like a walking club, team sports, pickle ball, lawn bowling and croquet.
There is no magic formula dictating which of the four types of activities are better. In fact, the extent to which one activity or the other is important varies from one person to another and depends on their abilities and pleasures.
But here is where the interest for this discussion of the four activities comes in. Successful living means that at least some homage is paid to all of the four activities. All of us need quiet times and all of us need to work through spurts of energy. We need to feel the quiet presence of our friends and neighbours to see ourselves through difficult times just as we need the excitement of a football game to stimulate our interests.
When you are meeting weekly with your mom, try going through the four types of activities in the accompanying chart to get a sense of how your mom is doing with the move to your community.
You are going to get some interesting discussions as you search around for the means to get her going. Chances are really good that your mom will come out of this enjoying her old age.
Jacklin Andrews is a family counsellor from Saskatchewan. Contact: jandrews@producer.com.
