Q:I would like to make things better for myself. When I was a kid, my dad drank too much and my mom ran off .
My refuge was the school. But I started to fail once I got to university and I have been failing ever since. The only job that I have been able to hang onto is working as a waitress in a local pub. Something is missing and I am not sure what it is. What do you think?
A:We are all motivated by the need to succeed, love and be loved by others. We often balance these needs off with each other. At times, the balance becomes skewed.
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What we forget is that sometimes the shift can go the other way as well. Some people are so busy trying to please others in an attempt to encourage people to love them more that they become oblivious to their own needs, wants and goals. The pleasers often do not know their own goals.
You were busy trying to please your teachers in high school, capturing their love and respect by performing beyond their expectations, but not busy enough setting your own goals and expectations.
That worked in high school, where teachers and schools set out their goals and standards for you to challenge, but it was not a successful strategy once you enrolled in a university.
You will escape your waitress job, not by applying for new positions, but by identifying your passions and letting them carry forward your need to succeed.
Jacklin Andrews is a family counsellor from Saskatchewan. Contact:
