Q: My girlfriend, who moved from the city to live with me on the farm, has become the target of vicious gossip. How do we make it stop?
A: This will be disappointing to you but the bottom line is that your best bet is to do nothing about the gossip.
If you or your girlfriend get defensive, or challenge the purveyors of the gossip, you will only feed the mill and soon enough not only will those stories continue but they will add more fiction to their messages. The less said the better.
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Your girlfriend faces the temptation of letting those vicious comments get to her self image. That must not happen. Your job is to help her make sure that she does not entertain any thoughts of self-deprecation.
Her self-esteem needs to peak out at an all-time high and you, just by loving and caring for her, can make sure that it will get to that epic star in the sky. That is a responsibility that I hope you will enjoy taking on.
It may happen of course that you will encounter not only one of those who gossips but also the story she or her is telling. How about sending a message to the culprit?
You can tell them that you know about the lie they are spreading and you would appreciate it if they would stop spreading it. Remember this is a message, not a discussion. Once you have said it, you and your girlfriend walk away. Nothing more needs to be said.
You have lived in small town Canada long enough to know that gossipers never stop. They will soon enough tire of attacking your girlfriend and turn their attention to some other victim.
I hope that when that happens you will not join in with those who are spreading new and vicious stories.
Your girlfriend is not alone. Most of those who have been targeted by community gossip feel the hurt and pain. Let’s not perpetuate that any further.
Jacklin Andrews is a family counsellor from Saskatchewan. Contact: jandrews@producer.com.
