Q: I am 56 years old, married with two successful adult children. I get along with my wife and my career is doing well.
However, I am depressed. Why?
A: At one time we talked about midlife crises hitting people who were somewhere between 45 and 60 years old.
Although the criteria for a mid-life crisis has never been adequately defined, it would seem to me that if you were emotionally locked up in your bedroom, hiding behind a great comforter, you might fit the bill. But you don’t. You seem to be just feeling lousy for no apparent cause but you are still functioning.
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Midlife crisis or not, the possibility is that you are squaring off with some age-related issues.
For the first 55 years of your life, you have been preoccupied with building a home for your family, making your way through your career aspirations and raising your two children. I am sure that you had times when that was not always easy but easy or not, it meant your life had purpose and meaning.
You were important. Without your attention, your children would not have succeeded to the extent that they have and you would not have been recognized and appreciated as much at work.
You are 50-plus now. About 20 percent of men this age face an existential void. All that means is that your life does not seem to be as important to you as it once was.
The truth is your kids no longer need you. They are grown up and on their own. They are doing fine. You are not needed at work the same way you once were and as much as your wife might respect and love you, if you suddenly disappeared tomorrow, she would most likely carry on.
You are not making the difference, influencing the world in, the way you once did.
The task for you is to shift the centre of your universe from all that is controlled by other people and events to your own appreciation of yourself.
This is not easy. It means you have to cherish and respect all that you are just for all that it is.
You need to look after yourself, quit smoking, cut down on alcohol, dine in the Canada Food guide and bank on five to seven hours of sleep nightly.
You should likely meditate, have time out to study and learn whatever is puzzling to you at the moment and appreciate each day as it breaks through those eastern clouds each morning.
Chances are great that if you nurture a love of self, while worshipping your wife and family, those bad feelings haunting you will dissipate in the aura of an excitement to live. That is what makes the fabulous 50s so fabulous.
Jacklin Andrews is a family counsellor from Saskatchewan. Contact: jandrews@producer.com.
