Q: After watching our son struggle through the first couple of years in high school, I am thinking that self-efficacy, or the ability to believe in oneself, is something he needs to explore. He drops or quits just about everything he starts. He does not stick to anything.
What can we do to help him?
A: Self-efficacy is a person’s belief in their ability to succeed. That sounds simple enough, but it isn’t.
People with high degrees of self-efficacy, with the determination to succeed, set reasonable goals for themselves. They do not generally go after the impossible dream. The Beatles, the big band of the 1960s, wanted first to be the best band in the neighbourhood. Then it was to become the best band in Liverpool. Their next goal was the country, starting first to become the best band in Germany and later transforming that to becoming the best band in England. And before long it was the world. Had they started out wanting to become the best band in the world, they would have failed.
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They set reasonable goals for themselves and did not change those goals until they had successfully completed that which they originally set. Then they moved on.
People with high degrees of self-efficacy make sure that they have the resources to succeed in the goals they set. If music is their thing, they make sure that they have the instruments they want, the lessons and support they need to master their instruments and the opportunity to play their instruments for those who appreciate them. Their command of their resources in self-efficacy makes the difference.
People with high degrees of self-efficacy know that they are likely to have disappointments along the way. They see these disappointments as challenges, not setbacks, and they do not let their disappointments discourage them. Neither do they see their disappointments as personal failings.
Finally, people with high degrees of self-efficacy determine their lives for themselves. You cannot jump in and set goals for your son. You can support him and you can encourage him but if he is not setting his own reasonable goals, he is not going to be successful.
To help your son move forward, listen to him, even when he is saying that with which you might disagree. With you listening in a positive atmosphere, the probability for him to set reasonable goals for himself and to succeed in his journey to self-efficacy increases exponentially.
Jacklin Andrews is a family counsellor from Saskatchewan. Contact: jandrews@producer.com.
