“Suicide? The farm had significant financial challenges. My twisted mind had the idea that if I died, at least life insurance would kick in and my family would be OK.”
Farming is stressful. Sometimes farmers can’t cope. Sometimes the results are tragic. Other growers find counselling to help dealing with stress.
Retired Manitoba hog farmer Gerry Friesen is one of those who found help in time. He calls himself a recovering farmer.
Twenty years ago, Friesen was chair of the Manitoba Pork Marketing Board and chair of Dynamic Pork. At the time the hog industry and hog producers like Friesen were in dire straits. As an active volunteer with the Manitoba Farm Mediation Board, he was also involved in counselling troubled farm couples.
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In an interview, Friesen recalls the event that really set him off.
“In 2003, during a kitchen table session with a couple near Steinbach, I suddenly felt I was having a heart attack. My heart went through some strange palpitations. I was short of breath. It passed quickly, but these attacks started happening with greater frequency. I finally went to see a doctor and was diagnosed with anxiety and depression. I was plagued by low self-esteem.
“I thought my family and the whole world would be better off without me. As we all know, financial pressure is one of those factors that will push a person into anxiety and depression, and those symptoms exacerbate the whole problem. It eats into your ability to work and to make good decisions. It really has an impact on people close to you.
“My coping mechanisms were not particularly helpful. Alcohol does an amazing job of easing anxiety. But as alcohol leaves the body it increases your anxiety. So, the only way to combat that is to drink more, which I did. In my self-medicated fog, I found other means of escaping. The hog barn became a sanctuary.”
He finally decided to try talk therapy. He had one session with a psychologist. At a time when Friesen was struggling emotionally with the failure and inevitable sale of his family’s farm, the psychologist told him to keep it. At the end of the appointment the psychologist told Friesen to go on meds because he couldn’t afford the professional fee. Next, Friesen tried a community mental health worker. After two sessions she gave up on him because she didn’t think she could help.
“I was convinced back then that if we could sell the farm my depression and anxiety would also end. In 2007 when we were finally able to sell the farm and move on, I quickly discovered this was not the end of my journey.”
In 2007, he saw that the Farm and Rural Stress Line needed volunteers, so he volunteered. That entailed some intensive counselling and training. He was still on medication at that point. He said that through this training, he better understood his own mental health and was better able to deal with it.
“Recovery is an on-going challenge. This winter has been a very difficult one for me again. COVID, cold weather, copious amounts of snow. My wife can tell as soon as I start slipping downhill again. But I know that when spring comes, things will change.
“Suicidal thoughts occur when people can’t see through to spring, or the next harvest, or getting over the loss of a loved one, or whatever your next spring day will be. It’s different for everyone. But you have to see through the fog, through to a better day.
“I’m always worse in the morning. That’s when it hits me. I know I have to drag my sorry ass out of bed, but in a hour or two I’ll be fine. Sometimes it lasts a whole day. But I know it will go away.”
Friesen now has his own mediation company. To date, the conflict and stress management specialist has provided counselling to 600 farm families with financial problems. To continue working his way out of the emotional hole, in 2010 he started telling his own story at conferences and media interviews.
“For some people farming may not be the best future. I’ve suggested to farmers in turmoil that getting out might be the smartest thing. I’ve had guys come to me after they’ve sold the farm or lost the farm and they say, ‘boy I wish I had done that sooner.’
“For me selling the farm turned out to be the right decision. We should have done it sooner. But we tried to keep it going too long. Now … I’m a recovering farmer.”
