Q: I am embarrassed. My favourite aunt came to my house last week to spend time with my daughter and me. My aunt was with us shortly after my daughter was born about five months ago and I loved watching her with my little girl. She has so much love to give but this time my daughter reacted every time she tried to pick her up. My daughter was almost hysterical. I would like to see them in a long-term relationship but I am not sure that I can count on that. If I was my aunt, I would be discouraged. What can I do to get things back on track?
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A: Your daughter did not do anything wrong. She was simply following a developmental prescription that was written into her DNA generations ago.
When your daughter was first born, she was more familiar with you, your voice, your touch and your presence than she was with other people.
She was willing to reach out and attach herself to other people around her. This has something to do with our evolutionary past.
Not that long ago, the most frequent cause for death in young women was childbirth. That meant that newborns could not be assured that their mothers would be there to nurture them and had to accept replacement caregivers if Mom did not survive.
The result is that newborns are often receptive to any number of caregivers, just as your daughter was to your aunt those first few days.
As the newborn child begins to mature, she begins to develop some confidence that her parents will be there for her.
Her parents or caregivers are all that she wants and she may not want anything to do with other people. That’s called making strange.
Some babies make strange quietly while others are more hysterical. They engage in a certain degree of vociferousness to let the world know that their parents are number one in their lives.
Your daughter was simply telling your aunt that.
Your daughter will grow out of this. Somewhere between one and two years old, she will start to develop at least a primitive appreciation for your feelings and will conduct herself accordingly.
She will learn through you about your aunt. That is when you can start to expect some special moments between you, your daughter and your aunt.
