There is a Japanese folk tale about a young woman who marries an older man. After a few years, the man sickens and on his deathbed asks his wife to promise not to marry again. Full of grief and with
remarrying the last thing on her mind, the woman promises.
Time goes by and eventually the woman becomes friendly with a young man in the village. Human nature being what it is, they begin to sleep together from time to time. The young man loves her and wants to marry her. Remembering her promise, she resists for a while, but finally agrees.
Read Also
Topsy-turvy precipitation this year challenges crop predictions
Rainfall can vary dramatically over a short distance. Precipitation maps can’t catch all the deviations, but they do provide a broad perspective.
A few nights later, the ghost of her husband appears and pointing an accusing finger, tells her she will die if she breaks her promise to him.
The woman is terrified and runs to the village wise man for help. Hearing her story, he says first they must determine whether it is a real ghost. He tells her the next time the ghost comes, she should ask him a question that only the two of them could answer.
When the ghost comes that night, she asks, in a trembling voice, what she wore to bed on their wedding night. He tells her it was a pink silk nightgown with embroidered blue flowers. Even more terrified, she goes back to the wise man and
tells him the ghost’s answer was correct and no one else could have known.
“Hmm,” says the wise man. “It looks as though it is a real ghost, all right. So here is what to do,” and he whispers directions in her ear.
That night, before going to bed, the woman takes a handful of rice from the bag by the stove and puts it in the pocket of her nightgown. When the ghost comes to haunt her, she asks him to tell her how many grains of rice are in her pocket.
The ghost shrieks in anger and disappears, never to return.
The reason this test worked is that the ghost is a projection of her own fear and guilt and it only knew what she knew. When she did not know how many grains of rice were in her pocket, and consequently he did not know either, it broke the spell she had cast upon herself and he never came back.
Now here is the question: what spells have you cast upon yourself? What, or who, are you staying loyal to, when it no longer serves you to do so? What outdated beliefs are you hanging onto, which you would be better off letting go? Where do you need to cut your losses and move on?
Sometimes we cling to a situation, hoping it will turn out to be different than it is. This can be particularly so in business ventures or investments we are reluctant to let go of, even when it is clear they are not going to pay off.
Thirty-five years ago, when I worked as an adult educator in Fort Chipewyan in northeastern Alberta, I bought a used industrial camp kitchen in Edmonton. I shipped it down the river by barge to Fort Chip, re-outfitted it with washers and dryers and created a laundromat.
A year later my job in Fort Chip ended and when I moved away, I could not find anyone to buy my laundromat, so I shipped it back out. I tried for two years to sell it for what I had invested, not wanting to admit to myself I was asking more than the market would bear. Eventually I faced reality and sold it off in pieces for a fraction of what I had paid.
Maybe this is a good time to examine your ghosts of years past that are keeping you from moving forward. Here are questions that might help:
- What have I sworn I will never try, or even consider doing again, even though other people seem to benefit from doing it?
- What am I still doing as a favour to my spouse or partner, that I no longer enjoy doing and that I have not discussed with him or her to see whether it is even seen favourably?
- What am I still doing, which I used to enjoy, but only do now out of habit or loyalty? This can be a particularly useful question for people in midlife.
Good luck with your ghost busting. I hope 2006 is good to you.
Edmonton-based Noel McNaughton is a former broadcaster and rancher who lectures on farm lifestyle issues at agriculture conventions and for corporations. He can
be reached at 780-432-5492, e-mail:
noel@midlife-men.com, or visit www.midlife-men.com.
