There comes a time in everyone’s life called a time of ashes. It is a time when calamity hits: you lose your farm, or the equity in it; the market for your product crashes; your spouse leaves; a close family member dies; you lose interest in your work or some other catastrophe comes along. Your old world falls away and you don’t know whether anything will take its place.
We all know stories of a time of ashes. In the Bible, Job, who was wealthy and happy, is perhaps the best example.
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God and Satan were having a chat, and God asked, “what do you think of my man Job? There is none as upright as him. He praises God and turns away from evil.” Satan said, “ah, come on. It’s easy for Job to praise God when everything in his life goes so well. But take away his stuff, it will be a different story.”
God said, in what seems to me a cavalier manner, “go ahead. Take his stuff, do anything you want, just don’t kill him, and we’ll see what he does.”
Satan arranges for all Job’s possessions to be taken away, and for Job himself to be covered with sores. Job sits in the ashes and wonders what is going on, and although he is distressed and angry, he stays the course. He has some friends who tell him he needs to repent, for obviously he has been a sinner. He insists he hasn’t been, but he is humbled mightily before he gets a chance to talk with God.
When they do talk, God more or less said, “you are just a man. There is a lot of stuff you don’t understand, so don’t get too uppity. Nevertheless, since you stayed true to me, I will give all your stuff back and more.”
And of course, Job ends up with twice as much as he started with.
I, and no doubt you, have been in similar situations, although maybe not as dramatic as Job’s, where things fall away, and nothing we try seems to work. For me, the latest time of ashes started in 1997 when Elizabeth and I left the farm and moved to Vancouver. The idea was for me to join the management team of a start-up company we had invested in.
But every time we found a major investor for the company, something would happen just before they invested. Some went bankrupt, some went to jail, some had personal breakdowns. It was as though our company was the kiss of death for anyone who tried to invest with us. Eventually we had to admit defeat and wind the company down.
At the same time, I had lost energy, focus, confidence and passion, and could not seem to get anything else started.
I tried everything from public speaking to network marketing, but couldn’t get anything off the ground. I slowly came to realize I was going through a transformation at a deep level, which I learned is called andropause. I just had to trust that the right thing was happening, and that at some point, it would end.
In the meantime, our retirement savings were disappearing at an alarming rate, and there didn’t seem to be anything we could do about it. This paralysis lasted for several years.
I have met others who have had harder struggles, such as the woman in Vancouver who at age 50 lost her job as a corporate executive, lost her husband, became mentally ill, and ended up living on the street.
After a few years she rose out of the ashes. When I met her, she was an artist, living in a small apartment and feeling fulfilled.
The good thing about a time of ashes is that it is also the beginning of a fuller understanding of life, and it helps us become more compassionate and open-hearted, and less judgmental, because we learn what it is like to fail or to experience pain. It also leads us in the direction of our soul’s calling.
As with Job, we usually recover lost ground financially as well.
I am now re-energized, and am enjoying life more than ever.
If you are in a time of ashes, be kind to yourself and those around you. Explore in whatever way you can what is trying to be called forth. Seek the counsel of people you respect and trust who you think might understand what is happening. Know that this is a normal part of midlife, and this too shall pass.
Edmonton-based Noel McNaughton is a sponsored speaker with the Canadian Farm Business Management Council, which will pay his fee and expenses for speaking at meetings and conventions of agricultural organizations. To book him, call 780-432-5492, email: farm@midlife-men.com or visit www.midlife-men.com.
