Sorry to be mixing my holidays, but I am the Grinch of Halloween.
I thought it was fun for about three years when I was dashing around the block collecting bags of candy. Indeed, candy is the only reason for Halloween, in my view. We buy huge boxes of baby Mars bars because they are our favourites, and then eat the leftover ones until Christmas.
That being said, I have attended a few Halloween parties in adulthood. From such parties, and the children shrieking at the door, it’s clear that the most popular costumes are related to the top news stories of the year.
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For example, I think you can count on mini-Moammar Gadhafis trick or treating on Monday, and a Sarah Palin or two may arrive at the more adult shindigs.
Some costumes are a little less obvious. Back in about 2003, someone very near and dear to me decided to dress up as a mad cow.
He wore little horns stuck to his forehead and a massive rubber glove blown up and strapped to his mid-section.
He occasionally wandered around the party room babbling nonsense (mad, you see.) It was udderly ridiculous, but people still remember his costume and tease us about it.
BSE was the story of the year back then, agriculturally speaking, so the mad cow outfit chimed with people.
To express the obvious, this year’s top story is the removal of the Canadian Wheat Board’s monopoly.
One could try to throw on a pair of glasses and mustache, and rent an ostrich for the evening, in an effort to impersonate agriculture minister Gerry Ritz (lore has it he raised the big birds.) It’s unlikely the ostrich would be welcomed in most homes or party rooms, but it would be pretty original.
One could fashion a desk – a single desk – with the CWB logo on it, wear it like a sandwich board and pierce it with an arrow or knife. Just be careful how you sit.
One could also blow up a copy of the Monopoly board game on a T-shirt, cross out its title and write in Open Market instead.
One could have a lot of fun with the little squares, too.
It’s probably easier just to wear a sheet or vampire teeth. As for me, I’ll be home with my Mars bars.
