Onions are a staple in my slender cooking repertoire.
Don’t know what to make for supper? Fry some onions with a little butter, and it smells good enough to fool others into thinking there’s actually a meal in progress.
Of course, to reach that point one must first slice the onion, inducing tears. It reminds me of an early reporting experience at Gouw Onions of Taber, Alta.
Casey Gouw Jr. was my target and his onion warehouse was the location for the interview. We stood in the doorway of a vast storehouse of onions, all awaiting shipment and all emitting their uniquely pungent aromas.
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Prices had been softening for most of the previous month, but heading into the Labour Day long weekend, the price drops were startling.
“Wow, how many onions are in here,” I asked, wide eyed, as a sniffle tickled my nose. Gouw answered me.
“Where do you sell them all,” I snuffled. Gouw, clear-eyed, had an answer.
“Is it difficult to grow onions,” I sobbed.
Not for Gouw, apparently, who replied without any evidence of adverse onion effects.
“And is it a profitable business,” I bawled, eyes streaming and nose running.
Gouw, a smile tickling the corners of his mouth, allowed that the company did all right.
Several tear-stained pages of notes later, he took pity on me, and we completed the interview elsewhere. I guess I was happy enough to have furnished him with some low-grade entertainment, so long as I got a decent story out of the experience.
But it was a little hard on a reporter’s ego to blubber in the guy’s onion bin. Good thing the company is HAACP certified.
Gouw Onions came to mind again when news broke a few months back about development of the tearless onion.
“Time for another interview with Mr. Gouw,” I muttered, eyes smarting in remembrance.
The tearless onion is being developed by food scientist Colin Eady, who thinks it might be common within the next decade.
He uses a gene silencing technology that shuts down the lachrymatory factor synthase gene, the one that makes people cry.
What’s next? Starchless potatoes? Non-mouth-puckering lemons? Brussels sprouts that don’t taste like the streets of Brussels?
OK, a tearless onion is a pretty good idea, all things considered, so long as there’s no compromise in taste or the savoury smell of onions frying in butter.
While we await general release of this new, high-fibre wonder, here is advice on keeping tears at bay while chopping onions:
Rinse onion halves under water after cutting and breathe through your mouth rather than your nose.
Peel the onion and then chill it before cutting.
Wear goggles.
