Sometimes I can’t decide whether to take seriously some of the news releases that appear on my desk.
Case in point: the group called Dhe Internasional Union For Dhe Kanadian Langweej.
They generously sent me Times Ov Toronto, heralded as Kanada’s Internasional Nuuzpaper.
It uses 24 letters of the Latino-English “alfabet” and “eliminats frum the kurrent english spelling the enormus amaont ov silent and unnessessari letters.” In bold letters the “nuuzpaper” instructs people to “eradikeet illiterasi; uuz the kanadian langweej at al times.”
(And here we thought Daryl , whose columns have been appearing on this page, had a unique grasp of the English language.)
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So why should we change our wonderful language?
Again, from the news release: “Owr prezent langweej iz inefisient, outdated, inflated, faalur-cawzing, regressiv, retardant, unstabel, and often repulsiv. We waast milions ov dollars triing tu teech it, and milions more triing tu uuz it.”
Pity our government. Should we now spend millions of dollars more enforcing THREE official languages of Canada (I mean, Kanada) appearing on everything from cereal boxes to airline travel brochures?
Now I know everyone is asking what news was in Dhe Times Ov Toronto that made it so unique. Let’s see. There was: Girl-Gides Hed Put Beerhug on Snatchor… Murder Juri Uuzed Wiijii Boord!… Wurld’s First Asid Trip Bloed Kemist’s Mind… and Dhe Best Films Ov Dhe 1980 Dekad.
