A few days ago I got a call from a farmer who is angry and upset because of how tough it is to make a living in agriculture. He believes it should be different. Society should pay farmers a decent price for their products.
I certainly agree that conventional agriculture is a tough way to make a living and I have no doubt it will get tougher as production continues to increase and prices drop. Prices of unbranded commodities are always set by the lowest-cost producers.
But here’s the thing: his anger and the knot in his gut aren’t only caused by the price of grain. They are also caused by the story he tells himself about how things “should” be different. The reality is, things aren’t different. They are the way they are.
Read Also
Late season rainfall creates concern about Prairie crop quality
Praying for rain is being replaced with the hope that rain can stop for harvest. Rainfall in July and early August has been much greater than normal.
Now that may sound like a simplistic observation, but believe me, it’s not. Much, if not most, of the stress, anxiety and pain in our lives is caused by us wanting things to be different than they are. And the first step to relieving stress is recognizing that things are as they are.
That doesn’t mean liking the way things are; it means recognizing that they are as they are, and are not now, and maybe never will be the way our story says they “should” be.
A number of years ago a Cree elder taught me about “isness.” He said no matter how we feel about things that are beyond our control, they just are as they are, and being angry or upset about them only causes stress.
Since I learned about “isness,” I have been watching the stories I tell myself about how things “should” be. This has generally resulted in letting the stories go when they do not jibe with how things are. I have less stress in my life and am able to quickly recognize that something I’ve been doing isn’t working, even though it is supposed to work.
We all have stories we tell ourselves about how things should be different. Sometimes it’s the story about how our spouses should change, or not change. There is an old saying that women marry men expecting them to change, and they don’t, and men marry women expecting them not to change, and they do. There is also the story of how our parents should treat us differently or accept us more for who we are Ñ although at middle age, that is more likely our children’s story about us. You can come up with your own stories.
There is an excellent book about this whole issue called Loving What Is by Byron Katie, co-written with Stephen Mitchell. Katie was in a deep depression in 1986 and had an awakening, in which she suddenly realized it was the stories she told herself about her life that were making her depressed. I hasten to add that not all depression is caused by false stories. Some is clearly biochemical.
Anyway, Katie began to share her discovery with others and many peoples’ lives improved dramatically. She now gives workshops all over the world. She has developed “four questions that can change your life” that I found useful. Perhaps you will too.
It is, in some ways, a spiritual as well as practical book because the great masters have all emphasized that being in the moment is the key to a fulfilling life, which is what this book helps one do.
Katie’s website can be found at www.thework.org/home.html. You can download the four questions to use in your own life. However, before doing that, I highly recommend you read the book because it will give you a much clearer picture of how to use the questions.
Agriculture can be tough, but telling ourselves stories about how it “should” be different just makes it tougher.
Edmonton-based Noel McNaughton is a professional speaker, coach and writer who specializes in guiding men and women through the uncertainty of life transitions. He can be reached toll-free at 877-736-1552. Website: www.midlife-men.com.
