Sarah was 68 when her husband died.
She sold the farm and moved to town, but still lives alone. When she goes to the co-op cafe for lunch or coffee, she always tries to get a table in Cindy’s section.
Sarah thinks she likes Cindy to wait on her because Cindy is so cheerful and friendly, but there is another reason, which Sarah is not so aware of.
When Cindy takes Sarah’s order and brings her food, she touches Sarah on the arm or shoulder. This may seem like a small thing, but it makes a big difference to Sarah.
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It makes a difference to other people, too. In fact, a study in Mississippi found that waitresses who casually touched their customers received bigger tips.
When we are babies, we literally need to be touched to stay alive. This was discovered about 100 years ago when social workers in orphanages discovered that babies who received only the bare minimum of physical contact became withdrawn and sickly and finally died. Babies simply must be cuddled, rocked, kissed, and in general, receive plenty of safe, caring touch.
But here’s the thing: adults need to be touched, too. When we aren’t, we get “skin hunger,” which is a documented physiological condition recognized by medical and psychological organizations.
This was first noticed some years ago when Tiffany Field, director of the Touch Research Institute at the University of Miami School of Medicine, decided to check out the volunteers who were massaging premature babies.
She already knew that preemies who were massaged gained 47 percent more weight and were discharged six days earlier than preemies who received no extra attention. But she was surprised to discover that the folks giving the massages – mostly women and men in their 70s and 80s – got just as much out of it as the babies did.
Most of the volunteer baby massagers taking part in the study had lost a spouse, so had been experiencing “touch deprivation.” After only a few weeks of giving the babies massages, these touch-deprived people said they felt less anxious and depressed, were making fewer visits to the doctor, were drinking less coffee and were even phoning friends more.
Other studies have found that massage, which of course involves lots of touch, can help strengthen the immune system, reduce nausea in cancer patients, relieve back pain and help reduce agitation in
Alzheimer’s victims.
Research shows that when people receive a massage, their hypothalamus, which is the area of the brain that controls the fight or flight response, stands down and lowers production of stress hormones. At the same time, the body produces more endorphin, the body’s “natural morphine,” which reduces perception of pain and increases a feeling of well-being.
But you don’t need a massage to benefit from being touched. The everyday touching that family members give each other can be tremendously beneficial. Even a little bit of touching makes a difference.
A study at Purdue University had library staff briefly touch students on the hand when they were checking out library books.
A survey showed these students felt more positive about their lives than students who had not been touched.
Years ago I read a study that showed how much North Americans touch compared to other societies. In a word, we are pitiful. Here are some of the results of a more recent study looking at how many times per hour couples in different cultures touched each other while sitting in a café:
Puerto Rican couples Ð180 times per hour. French Ð 110 times per hour. North Americans Ð twice.
As we age, we generally are touched even less. Sometimes it is because the marriage has gone stale and sometimes it is because one of the partners has died.
Either way, it can be worthwhile finding other ways to satisfy our skin hunger: hug your friends when you see them; exchange massages with a neighbour or help out at a day care (kids are touch magnets).
Even giving yourself a massage by rubbing your hands, feet, legs and neck can stimulate the pressure points under your skin and release the “feel good” hormones.
Now that you have finished reading this, go give somebody a hug.
Edmonton-based Noel McNaughton is a former broadcaster and rancher who lectures on farm lifestyle issues at agriculture conventions and for corporations. He can
be reached at 780-432-5492, e-mail:
noel@midlife-men.com, or visit www.midlife-men.com.
