Healthy relationships
This past week I had the privilege of hearing Dr. Eldon Morey speak at the annual AIMS farm business management conference in Saskatoon.
Morey is a clinical psychologist who lives in the small farming community of Motley, Minn., and practises in Minnesota, North Dakota and Nebraska. Many of you may be familiar with his newspaper col-umns in Grainews in the 1980s.
Morey’s words hit home to many of us as he spoke about life being more than money in the bank and understanding personality differences. Values such as personal integrity, family, friends, purpose and humor are important supports in surviving life’s moments of hardship and disappointment. He told stories that emphasized how honesty, hard work, being a good neighbor and standing by our families give us an edge and offer the most reasonable emotional support.
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We have built-in defences to offset stress in our lives, such as procrastination, ignoring and emotional distancing.
People face different situations in life, and have different coping strategies. Sometimes these coping strategies become habits that form a personality.
Personality, then, is described as the habits one has acquired to cope with the demands of life. Because individuals face different demands, and depend on their own creativity to cope, people have different personality styles. Two different personalities can form a marriage and Morey described how to accept and appreciate these differences.
Stress is our response to demand. Demand can be a good thing, imposing deadlines and making us efficient and creative. However, at a certain point, you reach optimum performance, and after that you start making mistakes and losing ground. Too much stress in too short a period of time causes emotional inefficiency. This is a signal that you need to slow down. Ease it back. Accidents can be prevented by frequent, short rest periods throughout the day.
Take a day off once a week and a vacation at least once a year.
In summary, here are Morey’s tips for preventative medicine:
- Have good values. Values are important to our ability to cope.
- Be trustworthy and honest. Never wrong anyone. We need to lead our lives knowing we are honorable people.
- Honor your marriage. Keep the trust strong and do nothing to violate or erode it. Attend to each other; get joy from making the other person happy. Spend time talking to each other and enjoying each other’s company.
- Be aware of the importance of a close family.
- Love your parents. Parents do the best they can. We are healthier if we are not caught up with revenge and bitterness. Be patient and tolerant and it works out best in the end.
- Spend time and be patient with your children.
- Recognize that everyone has an optimal stress level and resist exceeding yours.
- Take breaks, developing relaxation activities that reduce physical tension.
- Eat nutritionally, exercise regularly and maintain good physical health.
- Get adequate rest. Know what is important. Have a sense of purpose in what you’re doing.
- Consider solutions and solve problems.
- Humor is good as long as it’s not hurting someone.
- Visit and interact with friends.
As part of the conference planning committee my husband Don and I had the privilege of showing Dr. Morey some of the sites in Saskatoon. On our way back from Wanuskewin, we dropped in at my sister and brother-in-law’s. Donalda served us a glass of wine and these bacon and mushroom roll-ups.
Bacon/mushroom roll-ups
4-6 slices bacon 4-6
2 1Ú2 cups finely 625 mL
sliced mushrooms
1 onion, chopped 1
4 oz. cream cheese 125 g
15 slices bread 15
1Ú4 cup butter, 50 mL
melted
1Ú2 teaspoon 2 mL
Worcestershire sauce
1Ú8 teaspoon garlic 0.5 mL
powder
salt and pepper
In skillet, cook bacon, mushrooms and onions for five to eight minutes, until tender, not crisp. Stir in cheese until melted, set aside.
Trim crusts from bread and flatten with rolling pin. Spread each slice with two tablespoons (25 mL) of mushroom mixture and roll up jelly-roll fashion. Secure with toothpicks.
Place seam down in baking pan or cookie sheet. Cover and chill for at least one hour, or freeze in single layers. (If frozen, let stand at least 30 minutes before baking.)
Brush rolls with melted butter and seasoning mixture and bake in moderate oven for 10-15 minutes. Remove toothpicks and cut rolls.
More human relationships
Earlier this month, I read Keeping the Love You Find by Harville Hendrix, published by Pocket Books, New York, 1992.
This is an excellent book about how people can establish and maintain healthy human relationships. Hendrix says if you do the work, you will see results.
By knowing yourself better, you will understand what relationships are really about and you will be able to work on the things in yourself that need to be changed in order to have the partnership you yearn for. Be prepared for work, for this book is in an exercise format.
Club soda removes stains
At our conference last week, one of our planning committee members was unfortunate enough to have orange juice spilled down the front of her suit jacket and skirt.
Our friend and colleague, Gord, came through with his never-fail “club soda” remedy. To remove the stain, blot the fresh stain with a clean towel. Then apply club soda to the stain, blotting until the stain disappears.
To squeeze a lemon
Another helpful hint gleaned recently came from friends in Australia. To extract fresh juice from a lemon, microwave the lemon for a few seconds before squeezing.
