Helpful book on raising kids
Each evening, as I give my son a bath, it is a challenge to dodge the water that is flying out of the tub. I tell him that the water likes the tub better than the floor without sounding even a bit annoyed.
In the back of my mind the words of Barbara Coloroso echo, “children learn from experiences, and mistakes that arise from those experiences. If their behavior is not life-threatening, mortally threatening, or unhealthy, let them be the decision maker.” The water in my bathroom can be easily wiped up, and by the time Carter is asleep the bubbles in my hair have disintegrated so there is nothing to worry about.
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Coloroso inspired and challenged me to think about the way that children are raised in her book Kids Are Worth It! In the book, she identifies three ways to evaluate parenting skills.
- Kids are worth it. I’m sure you believe this, too, because I know you’re not in parenting for the money.
- I will not treat a child in a way I myself would not want to be treated. If I wouldn’t want it done to me, I have no business doing it to my child.
- If it works and leaves a child’s and my own dignity intact, do it. Just because it works doesn’t make it good.
Children have worth just because they are. They should not have to prove their value or earn affection, just as our love for them cannot be conditional. We may not like their favorite toys, the clothes they pick out, or their hairdos, but they must know we are always there to give support no matter what.
This means that we need to be there when they are happy and content, colicky and teething, when they go off to school, get a speeding ticket, and of course, when they experience relationship difficulties. As adults we must ensure that we commit to giving our children everything they need, which is different than everything they want.
Secondly, apply the Golden Rule. For example, we would not like to be yelled at if we dropped the birthday cake by mistake. We must never try to control children because they are smaller and less experienced than us. Those who are weaker than us should be led with love and compassion on the road to gain strength. Remember, we ourselves may be the underdog some day.
A serious problem with parenting tools is that kids are controlled and made to mind, at the cost of the child’s dignity and sense of self-worth in the name of behavior modification or management.
Children are manipulated through bribes, rewards, threats and punishment. But is this good behavior purchased at a terrible cost? The book outlines methods to allow parents to empower and influence their children, teaching them how to think, not what to think.
What I have written was taken from the first chapter only. There is so much more information in the book.
Other topics include types of families and how they function, keeping your cool, sibling rivalry, money matters, meal time, bedtime, toilet training, alcohol and drug related issues and sexuality. It has helped me to define specific ways to steer my son with dignity for both of us.
This statement may be the most important one in the book: “There is no such thing as a perfect parent or guardian, we will all make mistakes. The important thing is that we learn from them, and think about how our actions will affect the child before we act.”
This book would make a great Christmas gift.
Kids Are Worth It!, written by Barbara Coloroso, published by Somerville House Publishing, Toronto, Ont., 1995 is available at most bookstores across the country for $14.95.
Vegetable soup to freeze
Gardeners are busy gathering produce for another year. Savor the taste of home-grown vegetables in a soup mix. It freezes well and is convenient during the winter.
4 quarts tomatoes 4 L
2 quarts corn 2 L
2 bunches celery 2
2 cups diced 500 mL
carrots
3 red peppers, 3
chopped
10 onions 10
2 quarts beans 2 L
1 large cabbage 1
head, shredded
2 green peppers, 2
chopped
Mix all vegetables in five quarts (five L) water, cook until tender. Divide into 10 containers to freeze and to use later with any chicken or beef broth. Amounts may be changed to suit your taste.
From Boomtown’s Fourth Edition of the Women’s Auxiliary of the Western Development Museum Cookbook.
Parsnip cake
My mother also took time to browse through Boomtown’s cookbook, and found a unique recipe for parsnip cake.
4 cups coarsely 1 L
grated parsnip
2 cups all- 500 mL
purpose flour
11Ú2 cups sugar 375 mL
2 teaspoons 10 mL
baking soda
1 tablespoon 15 mL
grated lemon rind
1 cup vegetable 250 mL
oil
1Ú2 teaspoon salt 2 mL
4 large eggs 4
2 tablespoons 30 mL
fresh lemon juice
1Ú2 teaspoon vanilla 2 mL
Grate parsnips. Prepare a cake pan nine-inch (22 cm) square with butter and flour. Preheat oven to 350 F (180 C). Sift together the flour, sugar, baking soda and salt. In large bowl beat the eggs for one minute or until they are frothy, then add the lemon rind, lemon juice and vanilla, then beat the oil in well.
Gradually beat in the flour mixture until the batter is just smooth. Stir in parsnips and pour batter in the pan. Bake approximately one hour.
Relaxation pillows
In the magazine Natural Living Today, an article on making a perfect gift, a relaxation pillow, caught my eye. It would be a welcome gift for anyone, but especially for heavy readers, thinkers and computer users. The cool silk and lavender scent will instantly relax and calm your eyes and mind. I use my pillow when I cannot get to sleep, or when I have a headache.
Ingredients: Two pieces of 100 percent silk material five inches (13 cm) by nine inches (23 cm) in size, one cup (250 mL) flaxseed, one tablespoon (15 mL) dried lavender flowers or 10 drops of lavender essential oil.
Directions: With wrong sides together, sew the two pieces of silk using a 5Ú8 inch seam allowance and leave a one inch (2.5 cm) opening on one side. Turn the pillow right side out. Mix the flaxseed with the lavender.
Using a small funnel, fill the pillow with the mixture and stitch the opening shut by hand. At last, lie down and place the pillow over your eyes for at least 10 minutes, and experience total relaxation. Yield: one pillow.
Dear TEAM: I am looking for recipes using perennial garden huckleberry, also referred to as wonderberry or blaeberry. I would particularly like muffin or cake mixes. – C.L., Minton, Sask.
Can any of our readers help with this request?
Dear TEAM: Would you know where I can find seeded raisins, the big, fat, chewy ones? They are necessary to make a dark fruitcake. – L.H., Rocanville, Sask.
Dear L.H.: We’ve talked to a number of sources who referred to these raisins as Jumbo Thompson Seedless Raisins, but they haven’t been available for the past few years. Since Christmas preparation time is coming closer, if any readers know of a source, please contact us.
