Q: Our 16-year-old daughter is pregnant. This is difficult for my husband and me. We are not sure how to approach either her or her pregnancy. We do not know what to say to our daughter or do about her boyfriend. And we have little to do with the father’s family. Obviously we are going to talk to counsellors and our family doctor but we would like some thoughts from you. The more we can consider what others say, the better our chances of making good decisions for us and our daughter.
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A: You might have some misgivings about your daughter’s pregnancy and concerns about the baby’s natural father but you cannot have misgivings about the child.
No child deserves to be born into a climate of stress and distress. Once the initial shock has passed, sit down with her and make reasonable plans for the baby.
If you can’t work things out to ensure the baby is loved and accepted, you and your daughter should talk to adoption workers.
Parenting is a lifelong commitment. Most 16-year-olds cannot appreciate having to make such commitments. You have to help your daughter understand that as a parent she is in it for the long haul.
She will not have the same freedom her girlfriends have and for many years, she will have to be sensitive to the needs of her child.
You are going to have to be there with her throughout the challenges. She will need support and encouragement but you must also honour and respect your daughter’s role as the mother.
Sixteen-year-old people do not necessarily make the best decisions. They are vulnerable to interference and to you taking over for her when she slips and gets discouraged. Don’t go there.
For your daughter’s baby to grow and develop into a healthy child, he or she should know who her or his parent is. That is a different person, with different responsibilities, than a grandparent.
Your daughter needs to continue growing and developing. Departments of social services have programs for young mothers to continue their education. Help her look after the baby when you can, give her study time she needs to get an education and make sure that she is well prepared to work and support her family financially.
