There are worse summertime problems than figuring out why the number of hotdogs never matches the number of buns, but it’s a conundrum all the same.
If the wieners are sold in tens and the buns in eights, you need four packs of the former and five packs of the latter to come out even. And that’s a crowd.
If the wieners come by the dozen and buns by the eights, an even distribution will require two packs of wieners and three of buns.
There. Now we can relax and enjoy the food of summer, the humble hot dog. So important is this food that a Hotdog and Sausage Council is dedicated to its promotion.
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Much of the council’s lore surrounds the connection between hotdogs and baseball. It estimates more than 30 million hotdogs will be eaten at major league baseball games this year.
Start thinking about the condiments and you quickly understand the importance of Saskatchewan’s mustard crop.
The key ingredients in hotdogs go by the nonspecific title of “trimmings,” originating from beef, pork and chicken. It’s probably best not to explore that much further.
Spices, corn syrup and a smoking and cooking process culminate in the stuff of story and song.
The hotdog council says Elvis, Perry Como, Buck Owens and Led Zeppelin each have songs entitled Hotdog. But the council probably hasn’t heard of Canada’s Arrogant Worms, who also have a catchy song:
Everybody loves hot dogs, even pasty hippies
‘Cause it’s hard to beat a tube of meat
But now a question hits me
What the hell’s in a hotdog?
I shouldn’t ask maybe
‘Cause I don’t know any animals that grow cylindrically.
So have a hotdog on me my friends
It’s made out of animal odds and ends
Have a hotdog on me my friends
It’s the particle board of meat.
On the Prairies, hotdogs have less to do with baseball and more to do with campfires. A camping trip without hotdogs just doesn’t bear consideration.
The ideal condiments – yellow mustard, green relish and (shudder) ketchup if you must – are nothing but the sidekicks to the campfire hero.
The best hotdog in the world is one skewered on a recently cut and sharpened green stick, held over an open fire until it acquires a little blackness rippled along the sides.
Actually, the hotdog is even more perfect if it has been roasted on a stick previously used for marshmallows. Because when you’re camping and enjoying yourself this summer, as we hope you are able to do, it’s quite all right if you want to eat dessert first.
