GRANDE PRAIRIE, Alta.- “All right everyone repeat after me, ‘They’re not wrong, just different,’ ” Colleen Crozier told the group of farm women.
Although his father would never have done so, if a son stops the combine to help put his children to bed, it’s not wrong, just different.
If a daughter-in-law doesn’t like family dropping over unannounced, it’s not wrong, just different, said Crozier.
Everyone has their own way of doing things, said Crozier, keynote speaker at the 22nd
annual Farm Women’s Conference here.
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Crozier grew up on a farm north of Edmonton with an extended family in one yard. Every house had an open-door policy. If Crozier didn’t like what was for supper in her house, she would search the fridge in her aunt’s house. She couldn’t understand why the new American aunt didn’t like everyone dropping in unannounced, and to everyone’s horror, put a lock on the door.
Now, several years later, Crozier understands her aunt was raised in an environment where doors needed to be locked.
Crozier said she worked with one farm family who was frustrated their son often took weekends off to visit his girlfriend. She said neither parent nor son was right or wrong, but that they were at different stages of their personal and business lives.
Crozier, a business consultant who works extensively with farm families, said weekly family meetings are one way to bridge differences. During the meetings, goals for the farm business can be established and the roles for each family member can also be set.
“It provides a forum for planning. Most people are happier with decisions they’ve helped make rather than one that was imposed upon them.”
These meetings offer a forum for unresolved issues. It’s here that parents and children can put together a work schedule that satisfies their business and personal lives.
But as soon as the meetings get missed, the problems return.
“You have to have meetings no matter what. When you start not to have the meetings the stresses start coming back. You have to remember the benefits of the family meeting.”
Farm meetings should be run like any other business meeting with an agenda and minutes. Crozier suggests a rotating chair be responsible for setting the agenda and for keeping the meeting on track.
It’s important to establish ground rules such as: Only one person speaks at a time; each person is given time to speak; and each person speaks only for himself.
Minutes should be taken and any decisions noted. Everyone should be clear what decisions were made and what needs to be done. Long-term policy statements should be kept separate.
“There should be a policy on holidays. Who gets them and when to take them. Let everyone know when you’re taking holidays.”
Like driving a car or learning any skill, meetings get easier with time, she said.”Be patient, but be persistent. It’s important not to return to what you were.”
