MATHER, Man. – Gordon Colledge’s life hit rock bottom 11 years ago.
His business partners had turned against him, forcing him from an enterprise that he had spent 30 years working toward.
The sense of loss and betrayal left Colledge feeling worthless, angry and frustrated.
“There were moments when I wanted to die,” he told an audience here last week during a seminar on how farm and rural families can cope with stress.
“It was awful how beat up I was.”
Recognize priorities
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Colledge learned some hard lessons from his experience, lessons that he now uses to help others.
Blending humor with personal anecdotes, he encouraged those at last week’s seminar to recognize the signs of stress and what it can do to their lives.
He also encouraged them to put relationships with families and friends first.
“In life, pain is inevitable, but suffering is optional,” said Colledge, an instructor in family studies at Alberta’s Lethbridge Community College.
“We’re filling our minds with worry. Worry does nothing for you unless it motivates you to take action.”
Stress can tear at the fabric of relationships, Colledge warned. Good communication is one way to mend the fabric.
He said men need to overcome the tendency to keep their thoughts bottled up. They can learn from women who are more inclined to talk about personal matters.
“We keep all this stuff inside because we’ve been trained to think it’s the right thing to do. Some of the behaviors we learned while growing up are going to kill us if we keep it up.”
The rapid speed of change is adding to the stress in today’s world. Most people don’t like change, said Colledge, but being rigid and inflexible is not likely to help.
Colledge went to university when he was 50 years old. He learned to regard his decades of business experience as an investment in his future, rather than wasted years.
Look from a different perspective
People’s perceptions have much to do with how they cope with the events in their lives. Talking with a trusted friend or family member can provide a different perspective.
“I can choose sadness or I can choose elation,” Colledge said, noting how important it is to appreciate what one has while pursuing what one wants.
“Dwelling on negative thoughts – anger, bitterness and hostility – invites negative outcomes.
“I started to make choices that worked for me rather than against me.”
It also helps to think about how one reacts and then change those reactions, he said. If a cupboard drawer sticks part way open, some people will try to ram it shut. Others will look for the cause of the problem.
“Stress is something we do to ourselves by the way we react and respond to events around us,” Colledge said.
– BELL
