Recently, in my community a young man still in high school committed suicide. He was found by his mother early in the morning.
No one knows with certainty why he died. Yet everyone who knew him feels equally responsible. Some feel guilty and punish themselves to no end for what they might have done differently to help the young man earlier. Others are angry, lashing out at everything and everybody whom they believe were responsible for
the tragedy.
The young person’s suicide reverberates throughout the entire community, but no more so than for friends and acquaintances who went to classes with him, played on his teams and partied with him on the weekends. Their world has fallen apart, and the aimless search we see as the young people wander from house to house, text messaging to each other all the while, are their
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attempts to piece their lives back together.
We live in confusing times. Young people who are on the internet or addicted to
satellite television know much more than we did when we were their age. But hidden beneath that wealth of information is a young mind that is scared and confused by the trauma. Despite the electronics and globalization, our kids need us as much as they ever did.
Every family has two value systems sifting through its fundamental structure. One system guides us through our daily lives, giving all of us what we need to know to make friends and entertain others. The other value system is more fundamental to our purposes. It sets out life’s goals, teaches us right from wrong and takes us to the brink in the search for the meaning of life.
The electronic generation we see in our young people today is good at social values. I doubt if any generation from the past could match the expertise of today’s child in current and social events.
But electronic proficiency does little to address fundamental values. That responsibility continues with parents and teachers, and in our smaller farm towns, with the community at large.
In times of trauma, when a young man dies by suicide, those who knew him need to be led by the adults in their lives as they try to make some sense out of the tragedy. They need gentle reminders that it is bedtime, that homework needs to be completed, that supper is at six o’clock, as it always has been, and that their chores wait for no one.
Given a little guidance and structure, and someone who will listen to them, chances are good that they will see their way through difficult times and be better off for them.
Jacklin Andrews is a family counsellor, living and working in west-central Saskatchewan who has taught social work for two universities. Mail correspondence in care of Western Producer, Box 2500, Saskatoon, Sask., S7K 2C4 or e-mail jandrews@producer.com
