Q: I want to help my husband with the farm work but he won’t trust me with anything other than “Joe” jobs. How can I prove to him that I can drive the seeder and combine? What do I have to do to have him show me the same trust he shows our teenage sons?
A: In any relationship, you can’t prove anything to anyone unless they are willing to listen, observe and be ready to change their ideas. That’s why we have a charter of rights and why laws have to be passed, otherwise people won’t change their ideas.
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Discrimination against anyone on the basis of sex or gender is not legally permitted, but it continues.
Farms aren’t the only places where chauvinism is alive. Fortunately, younger people tend to be much more enlightened in their views because of more exposure to the principles of equality, particularly while in school.
You don’t need testosterone to operate farm equipment. You just need the appropriate training on machine operation and safetyplus a chance to practise and perfect skills.
Few people get into a car the first time, drive down to the examination office and take their driving test. They usually drive around with a learner’s permit and are accompanied by an experienced driver. Also, from personal experience of 35 years ago, it is not always best for one spouse to teach the other to drive.
There is a tremendous advantage if both spouses on a farm can handle all the equipment. If the male of the household becomes sick or is hurt during a critical time, the partner can take over and get the crop in or off.
Changing attitudes is difficult for older people. But change is part of our personal and social life. We are born, we mature, we age and eventually we die. Unfortunately, ideas often take longer to die than individuals.
Even though Person’s Day, Oct. 18, celebrates the recognition by Britain’s Privy Council in 1929 that the word “persons” must apply to both men and women, we are still far from having full equality for women.
Remind your husband that you are a person first, and a spouse or wife second. If he is reluctant to train you on the equipment, talk with other farm women and find a farmer who would be willing to train you for a certain number of hours of volunteer help next season.
This may help to change your husband’s views about women running equipment.
If you still hit a brick wall, contact a technical institute in your area and sign up for a course in heavy equipment operation.
Peter Griffiths is a mental health counsellor based in Prince Albert, Sask. His columns are intended as general advice only. His website is www3.sk.sympatico.ca/petecope.
