Q: Next week is my wife’s birthday and I am just dreading it. She will get a bunch of small presents from our children and a few more from our neighbours.
That would be fine if we did not already have a house jammed full of presents and stuff my wife has collected for 54 years. Nothing gets thrown out. When I complain about the mess, my wife promises to get proper storage bins and organize her tidbits. She never does.
I have been thinking of hiring one of those home organizers I see on television to help us get on top of the mess, but I do not want to spend the money unless I know that it will help. What do you think?
Read Also
From farmer to award-winning distiller
Pivot Spirits showcases transition from farmer to distiller with provincial award-winning results in Alberta for Lars Hirch
A: If your wife is prone to cluttering, the starting point to helping her is not with home organizers. The problem is with your wife and not with the mess she has created.
People who hoard things tend to become too emotionally attached to whatever it is they have accumulated to let go of them.
In a normal home, a son might buy a little present to give to his mother on Mother’s Day as a way of telling her that he loves her. Of course she is thrilled, not so much for the gift but for the thoughtful gesture.
Over time the gift is likely broken and thrown away, but that is OK because what is important was the love the boy showed his mother.
It’s a different story, however, if the mother is prone to hoarding.
For someone who does, the gift becomes too important. She is afraid to throw it out for fear that her son will be offended.
She likely feels so insecure and uncertain in her relationship that the only thing that is concrete and stable, in her eyes, is the gift that he bought for her.
The gift almost becomes more important than her son and she has to keep the gift at almost any cost.
Unfortunately, that same insecurity winds its way through her many other relationships, with the same results.
The presents she receives become too important and start to accumulate, in many cases making the house too crowded to live with comfort. Nonetheless, she is reluctant to throw things out.
No one knows for certain why some people start to hoard. It might come from a quirk within a person’s biological makeup or it might be a reaction to early childhood experiences.
Help is available to overcome it.
If the two of you are serious about resolving the clutter, the starting point is with a good, behavioural psychologist.
Your wife, along with your family doctor, can find that point of personal security enabling her to start letting go of the many treasures she has collected over the years.
Only then will a house organizer be helpful.
Jacklin Andrews is a family counsellor from Saskatchewan. Contact: jandrews@producer.com.
