People often have high hopes or high fears when they go for counseling. But counseling is not a fix-it shop. You don’t get fixed, and in particular you don’t fix other people.
You learn about yourself. You recognize patterns of thinking, feeling and behaving that don’t help you or others, and you learn new ways of relating to yourself and others. Counseling prepares you to practise these new skills, even though they feel awkward at first, until they become part of you.
A counselor is like a coach in sports. The coach teaches you the skills and puts you through drills and practices. But when the game begins, you are on your own. The coach must stay off the ice or the court.
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If you do see a counselor:
1) Make notes, either during the session or right after it.
2) Focus in your notes on positive things you can do and on new ways of approaching old problems.
3) When you are facing a stressful situation, take a moment to reflect on your notes, whether they are on a card in your wallet or in your head.
4) Talk yourself up, compliment yourself, remind yourself about the new things you’ve learned about yourself and about how to relate to others.
