Q: Our oldest boy was seven last July. He has always been a great kid and was a lot of fun for both my wife and me when he was younger.
Lately he has not been so accommodating. He seems to have developed a sleep problem. He is reluctant to go to bed and once he gets there, he is up and down like a yo-yo until he is finally so exhausted he falls asleep.
He says that he is scared.
My wife and I have tried everything, but nothing seems to help. We have shown him that no boogey men are in his bedroom and left a small night light on.
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We have talked to him and we have disciplined him but nothing seems to work.
He is up almost every night with the same story. Do you have any suggestions?
A: Your son is likely to grow out of his restless nighttime routine. It becomes life long only if you make too big an issue of it and if it turns into a massive power struggle and war of wills.
Your son is not alone. A number of children about his age suddenly spring bedtime challenges on their parents.
The problem in many instances is related to their understandings of death and dying.
When children are very young, about the only reference they have to death is sleeping. As they get older, they begin to understand that death is not just going to sleep but more permanent. That can be frightening.
Some children see death as not only a lasting resolution but also something that evil creatures bring to the house in the dark. They don’t dare go to sleep. If they do, or so they think, those evil monsters will invade their bedrooms.
I would like to make three recommendations.
Check bedtime routines for your son and make sure that he and either you or his mom have a good opportunity for spending quiet time together before the lights go out.
The second is simply to relax. Your son is going to grow out of it and you want him to do so without lasting emotional scars.
Finally, make sure you are listening to him. We often talk to our kids and do more talking than listening. Let him know that you are willing to listen to him, even if he is a little absurd at times.
The more you listen to him and the less you talk, the better are the chances that he will develop the self-confidence he needs as he goes through life.
