Q: My girlfriend is always telling me that I am too uptight. She thinks that I should learn to relax a bit more. I hate to admit it but I think that she is probably right. I seem to be worrying about something most of the time. I worry about the rain or crop or bank or the price of wheat. I worry when the cows are about to throw new calves and worry once they are struggling to get onto their feet. I worry too much to sleep and at times I am so worried I do not eat my supper. I do not know what to do about it.
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A: Your first job is to learn the difference between problem solving and worrying. The unfortunate truth is that worrying does not resolve problems. If anything, worrying just makes the problems worse than they originally were.
Problem solving means sitting down with a paper and pencil and clearly outlining what the problem might be, being as specific as possible.
It is not enough, for example, to worry about the price of grain. To problem solve, you should look at the hypothetical price of grain that you need to break even, the price that might render you a bit of a profit and the price that is going to drive you to a loss.
If you put that on a trend over the years, you will figure out when to sell, what to do if you need to take a loss and whether you need to talk to your banker.
If you are still worrying after you have figured out a strategy for problem solving, you might want to consider the psychology of all of it.
Worrying is a futuristic concept. We don’t worry about what happened in the past. We worry about what might happen in the future.
When we are worrying too much about what might happen down the road sometime, we lose our focus on what we are doing and we are at risk for having an accident. The goal is to think more about what is going on now and to think less about what the future might hold.
To get yourself back into orienting yourself to the present, you can follow any of at least three strategies.
You can learn relaxation exercises. Most bookstores have a collection of relaxation tapes that will help you learn to be more aware of yourself as you are in the moment. Pick the one that works the best for you and play it regularly.
You can get into aerobics. A good run or an energetic walk with a strong focus on your breathing might help you break that worry cycle.
Finally, you can have a chat with your local physician. She might have a prescription that will help you and she will certainly help you get an appointment at your mental health clinic to get the counselling you might need.
