[Curtain rises. Day is dawning on the Mitchell household. Let’s listen in.]
Hey, kids! There’s something on TV you need to tell Mom and Dad about, right now. So go into their bedroom right now (but make sure they aren’t doing anything funny) and tell them about this cool buffalo coin they can buy, right now. OK?
“Hey Mom! Hey Dad! So, like there’s this cool gold coin and it’s on TV and … and … sorry, can’t breathe. OK, relaxing now. There’s this gold coin, right? Or there was a coin and it was like, pure gold from the United States Mint but they don’t make it anymore cuz they ran out of something, but … but … but this other company is making this coin now and if you buy it, they give you a certificate of authenticity that says — and I know because I wrote this down — each 2012 $50 Buffalo Tribute Proof has been individually struck by the National Collectors Mint and is a collector’s desired proof specimen. Each privately minted non-monetary 2012 $50 Buffalo Tribute Proof conforms to the following: composition, 24 KT pure gold clad (I can’t make out the next word). Diameter, 39 mm, gold weight 14 mg. Total weight, 1 oz., certified by blah blah.
Read Also
Sustainable food has ‘lost all meaning’: prof
That marketing strategy is deader than a doornail, says a University of Guelph professor who specializes in consumer preferences and perceptions of agriculture and food.
“And then this guy on the TV says it can be yours for only $9.95 and the price can be guaranteed for only seven days. And you have to avoid disappointment and future regret.
“And you can only buy five of ’em! So what do you think, Mom and Dad, huh, huh?”
“Well, Billy, I see Mom is still sleeping or passed out or something, but that’s interesting, what you said about the, uh, what?”
“The coin. The coin. The coin.”
“Right, right, the coin, the coin, the coin. But don’t you see, Billy, that it isn’t a real coin, and like you said, it’s non monetary, no matter how many times they say $50 and as far as gold goes, well, did you catch the word clad? It’s clad in gold, and did you notice how much gold it’s clad in? Fourteen milligrams.
“Do you know how much 14 milligrams is, Billy? It’s .000493835467 of an ounce. That’s not much. In fact, given the current value of gold, which is $1,587 an ounce, that amounts to a grand total of, if I can remember my grade school arithmetic, 78 cents.”
“Uh.”
“That’s right, Billy. And did the TV man say anything about shipping and handling? Did he? Well, did he?”
“OK, but do you wanna play catch later on, Dad?”
“Yeah, sure, kid, whatever.”
