Treating emotions in a healthy way - TEAM Resources

Recently a friend gave me a book called Emotional Smarts by June Donaldson from Calgary. It is a down-to-earth guide that outlines a common sense approach to doing well at home and work.

This book contains practical ways to look after oneself and build healthy relationships. Donaldson talks about the need to recognize, understand and manage our feelings to do well at work and at play. It’s about taking responsibility for what you say and do.

According to Donaldson, people with emotional smarts are able to know what they want, keep their goals in mind and be optimistic through changing and challenging times. They are able to manage their stresses and impulses in a healthy manner. They are more likely to form long-lasting relationships that are good for others as well. They are able to think of interesting ways to solve problems and make quality decisions that stand the test of time. They take responsibility for their own lives, personally and professionally.

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Responsible people have the following skills.

Awareness – We can identify and manage our emotions as we deal with things that come up. When we manage our emotions in an assertive and optimistic manner, we stay focused on achieving what is important to us.

Self-actualization is our ability to consistently identify, describe and pursue things that help us honour ourselves and realize our potentials. When self-actualized, we work toward goals, and are motivated to do what we need to do to make good things happen for us. We consciously and unconsciously seek out people and situations that help us achieve our goals.
Optimism is our ability to maintain a positive outlook on life. We find the lesson in everything that happens – the good, the bad and the mediocre. Say please and thank you, give one compliment to at least one person each day, work hard to avoid saying no or other negative words.

Acknowledge a difficult situation with another person, particularly if you are worried or anxious about the situation, three days after it happened. When you do this, you lessen the stress in your life. Limit time with negative, blaming or whining people who drain your energy. Work out, read positive affirmations and practise being optimistic.
Independence means depending on oneself to make things happen. Identify what you want, need, desire, think and hope for, so you make decisions and choices that are important to you. Learn new things so you can be current and involved in a variety of stimulating activities.

Take control to stop stress. Get some exercise that results in your heart rate beating faster than it does when sitting at your desk. Write in a journal or diary about the situation. Create something by planting flowers, painting, taking pictures, building or baking. Get active whether helping someone, cleaning, or going out. Get inactive by hunkering down and staying in bed all day, and don’t feel guilty.
Impulse control tests our ability to resist or delay temptations that get us into trouble. When you control your impulses, you are able to keep secrets, say “No, thank you,” tell the truth to yourself and others, and decide whether the situation is going to cost time, money, energy, health, a reputation or a relationship. Learn phrases that help you gain the time you need to make a good decision, such as “let me consider this for a while.”
Conflict management means being aware of whether you tend to fight, flight or freeze. Understand how this makes you more or less effective. Try not to spend time fixing “unfixables.” Avoid being a victim by adjusting the situation so you can comfortably live with it or forget it.
Relationship-building skills include being able to send, receive and understand messages. Seven percent of the impact of our message is determined by the words we use, 38 percent comes from our voice tone and inflections and 55 percent comes from our body language, according to Donaldson. Let people know when they have done nice things. Try to meet and know a new person on a regular basis. Listen for a person’s intentions and how they think and feel about the topics being discussed. Keep your word. Help people learn, passing on relevant information. Help people work. Help people win.

Social responsibility means participating in volunteer service. Recycle and reuse things. Live with a consciousness of being moral, ethical and respectful of society’s norms and values.
Creativity is looking at a variety of approaches or solutions in our quest to address problems that arise in life. When we are creative, we are willing to consider other ideas, options, and possible outcomes, and are flexible and versatile. Surround yourself with people who have different styles from you.

Don’t be afraid to speak up in a positive way. Don’t end up deferring to “group think” where people agree for the sake of agreeing with the one they think has the most power. Stand up for what you believe.

Source: Emotional Smarts – Redefining Personal and Professional Competence by June Donaldson, Donaldson and Associates, Inc., 1997. Centax Books, Regina, phone 306-525-2304 or fax 306-757-2439.

Flexible muffins

A friend gave me this delicious rhubarb muffin recipe. It would be easy to substitute other fruits such as apples, blueberries or saskatoons for the rhubarb and walnuts.

1/2 cup brown sugar 125 mL

1/2 cup margarine 125 mL

1 cup sour cream 250 mL

1 teaspoon soda 5 mL

2 cups flour 500 mL

1/4 teaspoon salt 1 mL

11/2 cups rhubarb 375 mL

(cut fine)

1/2 cup walnuts 125 mL

(optional)

Cream sugar and margarine together. Add soda to sour cream and then add to the sugar and margarine mixture.

Blend in flour and salt. Then add rhubarb and walnuts.