Most of us can remember, as children, being called loudly or getting phone calls while we were visiting a friend, telling us, “it’s time to come home.”
You don’t need to be a child to hear that message. Spouses can get involved in activities or work while at home. Eventually the partner feels left out or neglected.
Couples often need to share the message, “it’s time to come home,” but hopefully in a caring and positive way.
This column topic came to my mind the other day. It was a weekend. My partner and I had been fairly busy doing things, sometimes together, sometimes on our own during the day.
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Because I do a lot of work out of my home, I ended up checking my e-mail after supper. Then, while I was at it, I began exploring my new computer. My partner had finished work for the week and was relaxing, watching TV. She felt she would appreciate my company. She came to my home office, and said calmly to me, “it’s time to come home.”
All of us in relationships need to know when it’s time to come home. Our interests, hobbies and work can absorb our attention, to the exclusion of our family.
My partner’s brief statement made me think about choices I make. I realized that I was choosing to miss some companionship time with her. Because we both have fairly active lives, relaxing and just being together isn’t something we can do whenever we want.
An important part of a healthy relationship involves sharing your concern so it is heard by your partner. Concerns needs to be expressed in ways that don’t lead to what might be called nagging.
Many years ago, I wrote a column about a friend whose husband would become engrossed in a book or the TV and turned off his listening antennae. To gain his attention, she would wander through the room saying, “Earth calling, John. Earth calling John.” It was her way to let him know she wanted to share something with him.
Learning to relax with each other is one of the precious gifts of being a couple but it often gets overlooked. There is always an excuse, such as the kids need attention, the house needs cleaning, or I need to do this, or that.
Yet, the purpose of sharing our life with a partner is just that – to be together for at least a minimum time. Partnerships need recharging just as batteries do.
We don’t hesitate to plug our portable phones into the charging units on a regular basis so that they don’t go dead on us.
Perhaps we all need to hear when our partner, in his or her special way is saying it’s time to come home.
Peter Griffiths is a mental health counsellor based in Prince Albert, Sask. His columns are intended as general advice only. His website is www3.sk.sympatico.ca/petecope.
