Q: Six months ago I married a man whom I love dearly. He and his father turned a small profit from their farm last year and we were able to buy a lovely house in town. I work at the local health centre. A little while ago I accepted a promotion to become a supervisor. So much is happening that is good, but you would never know it. I am cranky much of the time. I get irritable with my husband and my mother-in-law, and I am impatient with my staff. What do you think is going on?
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A: You are struggling with the tensions that come with too much change happening all at once in your life.
When we think of stress it usually means problems. But tension can come with almost any change in a person’s experiences. Too much of a good thing can be as devastating as that which is bad.
You need to understand that every one of those tides of fortune is going to bring with it new and different expectations. Take a moment to sort each of them out so you can begin to appreciate the benefits that each has to offer.
Stress is cumulative. When we start to do something differently, the stress we feel because it is not familiar does not replace other stresses in our lives, it adds to them. As a supervisor, you can no longer pass off a problem but you are expected to resolve it. When you go home you might still be thinking about the work problem while you are making supper. And then if you have to stop to remember where you put the oregano in your new house, it is another stress.
Enter the new husband, who wants to talk about what was going on at the farm that day, and he is met with someone preoccupied with her problems at work and the lost oregano. All of it adds up to impatience from you to him, and maybe from him to you as well.
The stress will dissipate over time. You will become more comfortable with responsibilities at work and familiar with your new home.
You and your husband will likely sort through your differences and learn what to expect from each other. The two of you can wait for time to heal each of the stress points, or even better is to be proactive. Sit down nightly with pencil and paper in hand and anticipate the difficulties each day is likely to bring. The paper list can go a long way to helping develop the foundation for a satisfying relationship.
Jacklin Andrews is a family counsellor from Saskatchewan who has taught social work at two universities. Mail correspondence in care of Western Producer, Box 2500, Saskatoon, Sask., S7K 2C4 or e-mail jandrews@producer.com.
