Q: Things are not going well for us. My husband is late for just about everything to which we are committed, and it drives me crazy.
When I try talking to him about it, he accuses me of nagging him. Then the fight is on. This is getting out of hand, but neither of us seems to be able to work our way out of our difficulties. If you have some suggestions that might help, we would love to hear them.
A: My first suggestion is to find a good marital counsellor to talk to about some of the difficulties you are having.
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You need to know that all marriages, the good, the bad and the ugly, are loaded with disagreements. The difference in good marriages is that despite the heated arguments, the relationship is enshrined in love and caring.
However, you and your husband are investing your happiness in what each other is doing. You are not going to be happy unless your husband changes and gets you to the church on time.
He is not going to be content until he can get you to draw back on your nagging.
It’s not working, is it?
Your best bet is to try working on your own selfs rather than each other’s.
Do you have to get quite so upset every time your husband is stalling, or can you learn to relax a bit more?
The truth is that not everything in life is punctual. Being late for many of your social engagements is not at all distracting.
However, other engagements are more demanding, and you had best be on time. In those instances, you and your husband need to figure out how you are going to get to where you need to be despite his tardiness.
What would happen if the two of you sat down before the event in question and talked about the need you have to get to where you want to be on time?
When you accept the fact that he is going to be late and that you are going to be anxious, you have some options.
Maybe you should take separate vehicles. That might seem to be a little awkward, but it at least cuts down on the stress and lets both of you enjoy both other and whatever it is that you are attending.
Please remember that we marry each other for our strengths, not our weaknesses. I did not see anything in your letter about your reasons for caring about each other. I am thinking of that well known poem: how do I love thee? Let me count the ways. It is time for you and your husband to do an inventory on each other’s beauty.
