Q:My husband and I are having a disagreement. We need a newer car. My husband wants to buy a new vehicle. We can probably afford it but I cannot see wasting the money on a new car when we can pick up a secondhand one that will serve us well and cost less. We cannot seem to work it out. Do you have any suggestions for us?
A:It sounds like you and your husband are in an irresolvable argument. Every marriage has them. Your argument is not as much about the car as it is about how you and your husband choose to spend your money.
Read Also
Land crash warning rejected
A technical analyst believes that Saskatchewan land values could be due for a correction, but land owners and FCC say supply/demand fundamentals drive land prices – not mathematical models
You are more prudent while your husband likes to spend. Neither side of your argument is any more correct than the other. That is what makes it so difficult.
The problem is that neither of you is likely to change. Today, you are arguing about the car while tomorrow, the argument could be about buying a new freezer, what to get the kids for Christmas or whether to take a winter vacation.
At times, one of you might overwhelm the other and get his or her way but the fundamental differences between the two of you could well continue for the duration of your marriage.
You need to be careful. Irresolvable arguments can get in the way of your most intimate relationship. If winning the argument becomes more important than preserving your marriage, you have a problem.
That is when you are most likely to do and say things that hurt one other.
Hopefully, you can stop discussing buying the car before personal insults challenge the loving and caring you share.
While irresolvable arguments cannot be worked out, they can open doors for you and your husband to better understand and know each other.
Behind each side of the argument is a personal dream. Take a break from your arguments about buying a car and listen to each other’s dreams. Think about what you can do to support that.
The more you encourage each other to go after your dreams, the more exciting and rich your marriage will become.
Jacklin Andrews is a family counsellor from Saskatchewan. Contact: jandrews@producer.com.
