Q: Our seven-year-old son struggles with anxiety. He is tense most of the time, struggles with insomnia and often is so uptight that he is not able to finish supper.
Our family doctor is working through medication for him and a psychologist is doing something called cognitive behaviour therapy.
However, we want to do more. What can we do around the house to help our son be less anxious?
A: I am glad you are getting professional help for your son. With a good combination of medication and behavioural guidance, you are going to help your son see his way through a great deal of personal distress that might otherwise be overwhelming. That is great.
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To answer your question: yes, you can do more to help him around the house. Most of it comes down to understanding and appreciating what anxiety is about.
In simple words it is this: a fear of the unknown. So much of our lives is unknown, be it the future that is five minutes away while nervously waiting in the dentist’s office or an innate fear that death is there for each one of us at the end of the line.
If unchecked, that fear or anxiety can be so overwhelming that not much else can be accomplished.
As much as life is unpredictable for all of us, including your son, so it is that through our personal structures and routines we can add an assuredness to life that might not otherwise be there.
I am looking at mealtimes, bedtimes and study times. Having regular mealtimes, which means that your son does not have to worry about getting good nutrition, makes that small part of his life predictable and therefore manageable. So, it is with regular bedtimes. Your boy might be struggling with insomnia, tossing and turning many nights away, but if he goes to bed at regular times, he increases the odds that he will start to condition his sleep time to his bedtime. That too makes his life a bit more predictable.
Also don’t forget that your son, as do all of us, needs quiet times in the evening. That is when he is going to do his homework. Having a regular study or quiet time in his own workspace to do what he needs to do tells him, first, that he will have time to complete his tasks and that Mom and Dad are there to support him while he is doing so.
Regular mealtimes, sleep times and study times remove a great deal of uncertainty from your son’s life. To at least some extent they make his life predictable and they give those tools and supports he is getting from his psychologist and your family doctor the opportunity they need to work their professional magic with him.
