Q: I love the way our seven-year-old son gets up in the mornings on school holidays and other vacations and glues himself to ‘Uncle Fred.’ He lives nearby and we call him Uncle Fred because he seems to care so much for our boy and loves having him around. They plant his garden, drink ice tea and shovel sidewalks for seniors in winter. I think that the relationship is super but my husband does not see it that way. He would prefer it if we could somehow end the relationship. My husband and I argue about this often. We would like an outside opinion on this.
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A: Years ago, kids ran all over the neighborhood with no thoughts of ever getting abused. That is not true anymore so hopefully you can be discreet about checking Uncle Fred out.
I cannot help but side with you against your son’s father. Your son is at an age where he simply wants to learn as much as he can from anyone who is willing to teach him.
I am sure you and your husband love your son and encourage him to feel positively about himself but you cannot do all of it. Your son is getting the reinforcement that he is a worthwhile person, which is important for a seven year old.
It only takes one moment of terror to scar your son for life but you cannot be there to protect him all of the time.
However, if your son is grounded with the love and caring you give him and if he knows that Uncle Fred is safe and has his best interests at heart, he will continue through life aware of his own self-worth.
