Q: I am worried about Christmas this year. Before we had children my husband and I would spend time with both his parents and mine on Christmas day. Our parents live about two hours away from each other and driving from one house to another was not a problem. We even did that when we only had one child.
But now that we have two children we find that running from one house to another is too stressful for the four of us. We tried it last year and it was a disaster. The problem is that both of our parents want us for Christmas this year and each of them seems to have special reasons for doing so. I do not want to pick one of our parents over the other, or do anything that would cause family strife, but I am not sure what to do. Suggestions?
Read Also
AgriStability updates offer stronger support for farmers
One of the most significant updates to the AgriStability program for the 2025 program year is the increase in the compensation rate.
A: Apart from the spiritual celebration that the church encourages at Christmas, the second most important part of the day is the opportunity for families to be together.
When both extended families want to do their rejoicing at the same time, it can present problems for you, your husband and your children. The joy of celebration is at risk of being displaced by guilt, anxiety, frustration and tension.
Christmas is probably nothing more or less than another day of the year, which means that for family celebrations it can be scheduled for something other than Dec. 25. Once you understand that, and once you look at some of the alternatives, you can celebrate with each of your parents other times of the week, at times that are more convenient to all of you. It is not hard.
I suspect from your letter that you and your husband love your parents very much. My guess is that each of them went to great lengths to ensure that you were given the love you needed as children to grow and develop into mature adults. But now you have your own children, and they need you to develop your own traditions to protect them. They need you more than your parents need you.
The starting point for you is not how to please both or either of your parents. The starting point is for you, as Mom and Dad, to decide what is important for your own family. Once you have agreed to what makes Christmas sense for you and your children, you can negotiate with the grandparents to make sure that they have special days for visits. They may be disappointed at first, but as they, too, grow throughout the years, they will learn to work with you to make sure that the Christmas season, not just Christmas day, is a memorable time.
Jacklin Andrews is a family counsellor from Saskatchewan who has taught social work at two universities. Mail correspondence in care of Western Producer, Box 2500, Saskatoon, Sask., S7K 2C4 or e-mail jandrews@producer.com.
