Q: My husband and I will soon sell our farm, at less than a reasonable cost, to our daughter and her husband. We have seen neighbours sell their farms to their children in the past and we know that sometimes things do not work out.
They argue with their children about how the farm should be managed. To avoid this, we want to get involved with something completely different away from the farm. But we are not sure what we want to do. Do you have any suggestions?
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A: You and your husband have a ton of opportunities once you leave the farm, but none of them is going to mean much to you until you first get over leaving your home and your land.
Your farm has been like a good friend, and just as you might grieve when you lose your good friend, you will miss it.
You and your husband might benefit from serious talks with each other, recalling the many bittersweet memories you have had during your time together on the land.
As you clear up some of the emotional undertones it might become easier to see what interests you. Then you will be free to make new commitments.
I think you are right in your plans. The more you can engage yourself elsewhere, the better the chances that you and your farming child will keep a good relationship. But let’s face it, you are probably going to find yourself out there helping with the harvest and preparing for seeding.
The more that you feel good about other activities, the more you will be able to help your family when they need it, and to do so without being critical of what they are doing.
Jacklin Andrews is a family counsellor from Saskatchewan who has taught social work at two universities. Mail correspondence in care of Western Producer, Box 2500, Saskatoon, Sask., S7K 2C4 or e-mail jandrews@producer.com.
