I think all of us know that we are living in a world that is constantly changing. Long held, cherished beliefs are being challenged.
Our families, particularly those with young children, need some kind of structure if they are to survive. The rituals that were passed on through our traditions at one time provided the structures that families needed. They no longer do this.
What I see happening in many of the families with whom I have contact today is that they are developing their own rituals. It is wonderful. For many of them, Sunday supper is sacrosanct, a family shopping trip to the city is revered and everyone goes to the rink together to watch the hometown hockey team.
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To some extent rituals are partly routines. We have routines to start the day, getting everyone out of bed, fed and off to their daily chores. We have routines to end the day, getting everyone into bed, before closing down the house for the evening.
And we have routines to follow as the day goes on, which is a way of making sure that the chores are done and responsibilities are honoured. Families who work well together pay more attention to their routines than do families in trouble.
Rituals are more than simple routines. Rituals carry with them those intrinsic meanings that help families bond through difficult times.
The evening ritual, saying goodnight, is more than sending everyone off to bed so that they are well rested for the next day. Goodnight rituals are expressions of love and caring.
When Mom and Dad tuck in the children, read them a story and listen to the events of their days, the children know they are with someone who cares about them. They are being protected.
Later, when Mom and Dad say goodnight to each other, in their own ritualistic ways, they have an opportunity to reaffirm the relationship that has grown between them. When families get together for
Sunday supper, everyone who is there knows they are special. The Sunday ritual affirms each person’s relevance.
Some households have regular family meetings. The meetings give everyone in the family the opportunity to be honest with each other, to fix whatever problems may have
developed between them throughout the week and to get their interpersonal contacts back on track.
We may not have the traditions guiding us into ritualistic activities that our parents had, but we can develop our own. If they are carefully thought out and sensitive to the needs of everyone in the family, they will encourage bonding between participants. The new rituals may not be immediately rewarding,
but over time they will become
important.
Try missing one of those special Sunday suppers, and even the
young person, who balked at the idea of having to be home in time for the evening meal, will wonder what is wrong. They become that significant.
Jacklin Andrews is a family counsellor, living and working in west-central Saskatchewan who has taught social work for two universities. Mail correspondence in care of Western Producer, Box 2500, Saskatoon, Sask., S7K 2C4 or e-mail jandrews@producer.com.
