Q: My friends tell me that I can get my eight-year-old son to co-operate more if I reward him for what he does rather than punish him for what he does not do. But that doesn’t work.
I told my son that I would buy tickets for him and a friend to go to a junior hockey game if he cleaned his room every day for a week. He didn’t do it. After the third day he was back to his old sloppy self. I did not buy his tickets and he was really disappointed, but a deal is a deal and it seems to me the reward system did not work for us. What do you think?
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A: Reward systems work, but they need to be more carefully constructed than what you were able to do when you thought about the hockey tickets.
Rather than getting your son tickets for the game, give him a star for each day that he makes his bed and puts away his dirty laundry. At the end of the week, you and he can count the number of stars he has earned.
The stars have purchasing power. If he collected seven stars, he can buy from you two tickets to take a friend to a hockey game. If he has earned only six stars, or maybe five, he can purchase something of lesser value. Perhaps he can rent a movie, or get extra time playing video games.
Before you start the reward system, you both need to sit down and list what he can get for however many stars he earns. Make sure he is able to purchase something regardless of how many stars he earns, even if he has only managed to get one star that week. He needs to know what he has to do to earn a star and what he can expect from his collection of stars.
Reward systems work, and you will be pleasantly surprised by the results when you use them properly.
However, reward systems also have a fatigue factor. They lose their effectiveness fairly quickly. After your son has gotten into the habit of making his bed you can discuss other chores he can do to earn rewards.
Your long-range goal is to get him to help around the house while making money. It will help him grow and develop and learn skills, including those that will get him employed down the road.
